Queer As Folk recap: Season Four, Episode Seven
(original air date 30 May 2004)

THIS WEEK'S QAF FAQ:

1. Isn't Deb great?
   Yes, but Sharon Gless must be ready to strangle the writers.
2. Why does Brian have to suffer?
   Because he's paying for his sins. What? You don't like heavy-handed moralizing? Then why do you watch QAF?
3. Wasn't it weird to see Shanda Leer again?
   Yes! I thought she was just a redshirt.

The opening titles — Have I mentioned that I really like the new theme song and the happy lovey images? I do. I also think that Ben should not dance: all that beefiness kind of interferes with grace.

A clever thing — We see a big cell-like thing, or what I later suppose is an X-ray (or some sort of image) of Brian's testicle, and some of the wiggly microscope-y images transform into a bird's-eye view of boys on the dance floor, and then we get lots of crotch shots. It's kind of cool, actually.

A doctor's office — Brian's getting the bad news: he needs a biopsy, and in order to do that they'll have to remove his testicle. No! That's like Julie Andrews losing her voice: it's extremely unfair and proves there is no God.

The doctor tells Brian he'll have his choice of "completely natural" prosthetic balls. I'm not into balls, and even I know that just wouldn't be good enough. The doctor offers Brian a selection of prosthetic testicles; Brian says, "Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don't." Awww. Brian, I still love you, two balls or one. The doctor also tells Brian that if he doesn't have the surgery, he'll die.

Rehab — A woman -- I'm sure she really is a redshirt -- is praising Flake's counseling skills and his "integrity." He looks uncomfortable. He should.

Deb's house — Michael, Ben, Emmett, and Hunter are waiting for Deb to come downstairs so they can go to Vic's funeral. Hunter makes some sarcastic remarks and compares Deb to Mary Tyrone. Deb finally arrives, looking regal and broken, and making everyone else look like the amateur actors they are.

Vic's funeral — Almost everyone says a few words about Vic. Michael's words are just painfully hokey, as are Mel's (sorry, Mel), but Emmett praises Vic's cooking skills in a very cute way. Hey, Jennifer is there: hi! I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Justin's mom.

Michael tries to get Deb to say something, but she thinks Vic has heard enough from her. That makes me sniffle a little. As everyone walks to their cars, Brian talks about how sad it is when people get old and sick, rather than dying young and beautiful. Yeah, that sucks: but don't go yet, Bri. You've got a lot of beautiful left in you.

Deb's house — The women are in the kitchen -- even in gay-land, gender roles are firm when it really matters. Lindsay asks Deb if she wants to take a pottery class with her. I imagine a Ghost-like scene and it sorta creeps me out.

Rodney gives Deb a shoebox of Vic's things: photos, jewelry, and a letter Vic wrote for Deb. She reads it in the laundry room and finally seems to connect with her grief a little, and announces that they're going to have a party.

Ted's apartment — Blake and Ted -- whom I'm now officially calling Flake and Dud -- are having Thai food and smooching. I love Thai food! But stop smooching. But they don't: Dud rambles on about mortality and they end up having sex.

Ben and Michael's apartment — Michael and Ben come home to a happy Hunter (Carson McCullers would not approve), who prefers a toke to a funeral. Good move. Ben freaks out and starts blaming Michael for having pot in the house. Michael finishes the joint, because he's not a wigged-out high-and-mighty frog like Ben. Ben says they can't tell Hunter not to use drugs and then do so themselves, but Michael says, "Of course we can! That's what parenting's all about." Right on!

Brian's loft — Justin wants to have sex, and Brian doesn't. That's right: Brian doesn't. Justin is understandably baffled.

Deb's house — Deb is trimming the tree. Emmett wonders if he has somehow slept for a very, very long time, even though he "only took one Xanax." But no, Deb is preparing to have a Christmas party because that's what Vic requested in his letter. Never mind that that's because he wrote it around Christmastime, and then recovered and lived to see many more Christmases.

Dud's apartment — Flake and Dud are cuddling in bed. Yawn. Flake tells Dud he can't see him anymore, and of course Dud takes it very personally, even after Flake explains. Let him go, Dud.

A sidewalk — Hunter has a black eye; he got in a fight at school. Ben wants to know what's going on with him, but of course Hunter is just feeling doomed because he's positive and Vic died and . . . must they always connect the dots for us?

Deb's house — Deb is still out of control with the Xmas decorations. Emmett leaves because there are "only 310" shopping days left. Michael tries to help Deb, but she yells at him and explains that she has to do this by herself, because if she does it perfectly maybe things will be better. You know what sucks? When good actors are given terrible lines. Deb could have shown us all of that: she didn't need to spell it out.

Brian's loft — Lindsay has brought Gus over so he can visit with his cool daddy. Brian is watching a James Dean biography; Lindsay thinks Gus might be a bit young for that, but Brian says "Well, you don't want him watching Teletubbies, do you? They might make him gay." He refers to himself as the "anti-Dad," and Lindsay ruins everything by talking about that wonderful day when he'll become an "anti-Grandpa."

Ben and Michael's apartment — Michael is berating Hunter. Ben spells things out for Michael: he says Hunter is acting out, blah blah blah. Michael, why couldn't you see that? We all could, and we're not even there. When Michael says he didn't realize, Ben says "Why should you? You don't have it." That's right, Ben: get on your high HIV horse. And ride on out of town.

Babylon — Ted, I mean Dud, finds his old "friends" and asks for some Tina. They give him a vial and he leaves. Wouldn't it be great if you could actually get some Tina just by asking? And by that I mean Tina Fey or Tina Turner or Tina on The L Word, not crystal meth.

Elsewhere at the club, Justin tells Emmett about Brian's shocking new aversion to sex. Emmett says "Gotta admit, it doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney we all know and . . . feel ambivalent about." Emmett also says it might just be a slump; "it happens in the best of non-relationships." So Justin decides to pick up a couple of guys.

Brian's loft —Brian arrives to find the two guys Justin's brought home from Babylon -- and they're naked and waiting, of course. Brian turns around and walks out the door.

A sidewalk — Hunter and Michael ride their bikes and bicker. Michael finally tells Hunter he doesn't have to go to Deb's non-Xmas party if he doesn't want to.

Dud's apartment — Dud stares at the vial of Tina. There's a knock on the door; it's Emmett! They reach an uneasy peace and seem sort of sweet together as they talk about stationery and guys with British accents. Emmett says Flake must be a damn good counselor, but he knows in his heart that's not true, and I know it in my heart and everywhere else, especially my queasy stomach.

Brian's loft — Michael and Brian share a joint.

Michael: "I suddenly feel a preponderance of death."
Brian: "Isn't that a play by Arthur Miller?"
Michael: "It's an unsettling observation by Michael Novotny."

Bwah ha ha! Congratulations, Michael: you get the one good line of the episode.

Michael talks about the fact that Hunter and Ben could die any minute; Brian says that they won't necessarily be the first to go. They share a few platitudes about death; Brian settles everything by saying "The less you have to hold onto, the easier it's going to be to let go." Michael gives him some sweet kisses on the neck and says he's glad they'll always have each other.

A sidewalk outside the rehab place — Flake and Dud agree not to pursue their bad timing any further, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Dud shows Flake the Tina he got at Babylon. Flake seems to want it, and not just because he's Dud's sponsor. Dud opens the vial and lets the stuff fly into the air, and then pieces of paper start to fall from the sky. Oh: it's snowing, says Dud. I guess I was wrong about the paper.

Kinnetik — Brian is packing up his things. He tells his assistant he's going to Ibiza. Justin shows up; Brian tells him the news too, and when Justin mopes about it, Brian screams at him: "We're not fucking married." Justin is shocked and tries to make nice; Brian says "It's not you" but won't say more. Justin tells him he loves him and will be there when he gets back. Brian smashes up his office a little. Sigh.

The non-Xmas party for Vic — Shanda Leer is there; everyone's trying to be happy. Deb makes a big show of putting the angel on the top of the tree, because Vic used to always do it. In a surprising, shocking, amazingly unpredictable twist, the angel falls to the ground and breaks, and Deb breaks down because it wasn't perfect the way it was supposed to be. Deb, are you talking about the party or this episode? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Surgery — Brian goes under the knife.

NEXT WEEK ON QUEER AS FOLK: Deb continues to grieve; Lindsay appreciates the male form; Ben and Michael fight; Justin uncovers Brian's secret.

More QAF recaps available here.