Six Feet Under recap: Parallel Play (Season Four, Episode Three) (original air date 27 June 2004)

THIS WEEK'S EPITAPHS:

• We celebrate the bygones of Claire's boredom and the burgeoning of her bisexuality.
• We ponder the passing of Rico's sanity.
• For Nate, we shiver, and weep.
• Arthur, we hardly knew ye: go forth and stultify.

Kaitlin Elise Stolte (1989-2003) — It's a classic Six Feet Under prelude: you think you know who's going to die, and it turns out to be someone else entirely. Three teenaged girls are having a night in with popcorn and prank calls. They pick a name at random -- well, they find the dorkiest name in the phone book, Gerald Gurvitz -- and dial. Mrs. Gurvitz answers; the girl on the phone tells Mrs. Gurvitz that Mr. Gurvitz has left his underwear at the girl's house, so of course Mrs. G gets pissed off. She threatens to kill Mr. Gurvitz and then realizes (from all the giggling on the other end) that it's a prank call. One of the three girls -- hey, that's Rachel Greene from ER -- giggles so much she tumbles right off the bed, and dies. Just goes to show you: prank calls are so 1983.

The bereavery — (If you know what the room with the painted flowers on the wall is really called, please let me know; otherwise I'm just going to keep calling it the bereavery.) Arthur is practising his sympathy; David is pretending to have lost someone to cancer. They are a study in what works and what doesn't: David, even while he's being goofy, is somehow stable and comforting, while Arthur is just... well, creepy.

David tells Arthur not to touch the bereaved because "even funeral directors have to beware of transference." David, you're cute.

Some actual grievers show up: the parents of the 14-year-old. Arthur manages to be sort of okay, and David is there to bring everything back to where it should be. The parents just sort of go along with Arthur's ideas so that they can get away from him. Well, that's one way to keep the business hopping.

The Fishers' Kitchen — Ruth is clearing crap out of a cupboard. She asks Claire to help her take a "mammy" cookie jar down from where it's been hidden. Claire says what we're all thinking: "It's kind of racist." Ruth says yes, that's why she's been keeping it "way up there back in the '60s." It seems a Fisher garage sale is imminent, for which Claire is "working on some old piles" and will then start making some new ones. Garage sales: they're a giant pain in the cookie jar, but you can really make some dough. Ruth is gung ho:

Ruth: "I've made a schedule for the garage sale. I thought if we put a plan in place, we'd be free to deviate."
Claire: "As long as we're free to deviate."

Ruth just hmmms a little, because she knows Claire is sort of right to be sarcastic about it, and at the same time she just doesn't see why everyone can't be friendly and positive. It's okay, Ruth: you're going to make a bundle on that racist cookie jar.

Claire wants to know whether George will be getting rid of some of his things too, like "perhaps his tupperware thing full of shit." I wish it were possible to adopt a little sister: I'd adopt Claire.

Ruth and Claire both hmm a little over the idea that Nate probably has a few things he doesn't need around. Hmm.

The Mommy and Me group — Nate is there with Maya so she can do the typical kid thing. Some women notice him -- "that poor guy whose wife drowned" -- and expect him to do the typical man thing. He complies, just a little.

Art school — Russell wants to know whether Claire and Anita are going to "Jimmy's thing." Claire is so tired of "Jimmy's things." Yeah. So she tries to wriggle out of it, until Anita points out that Edie's going to Jimmy's thing. That changes things -- um, the thing -- for Claire.

Claire also can't believe she loved Russell, because that mustache is repulsive. That's a quote, but it also isn't, because I think it's repulsive too.

The Mommy and Me group — Whaddya know -- Nate's tone deaf. The wheels on the bus go round and round yet never find a key.

Keith and David's — The happy homo couple are listening to Celeste -- Keith's latest guardee. They dance to her music a little and misquote her lyrics. It's dorky, but it's adorable.

Brenda's apartment — Brenda and Joe are in bed again. Brenda reaches for a condom. Much grunting follows as Joe tries to get the thing where it goes -- how hard can it be? Are you trying to put it on your foot? Yeah, I'm sure you're just so big it won't fit. Whatever. But then Joe loses the mood a little; he doesn't want Brenda to make him come because of all the expectations... he'd rather that she lay [lie] down and lay [lie] back and enjoy herself while he dives under the covers. Okay, Joe, I know I haven't been very friendly to you, but I can so relate to what you're feeling right now.

The basement at Fisher & Diaz — Rico is trying to get rid of that "goofy smile" on Kaitlin Elise Stolte's face. He gives Arthur a few pointers, and it's gross enough, but Arthur's extreme enunciation makes it even grosser.

David shows up and asks Arthur if he's ready to go.

Arthur: "Frederico, if it's all right with you, I'll return in approximately one and one half hours."

Who the hell talks like that?? Nobody, and that's why Arthur needs to say goodbye to this show: because everyone else, all weirdness and freakiness aside, actually seems like someone you might pass on the street someday. Arthur is more like the guy you can't believe you know and wish you'd never met, and I'm tired of him enunciating all over my favorite show.

Rico is a bit surprised that David's taking Arthur shopping, and then to lunch, but he's not jealous because he has work to do: "This one won't stop smiling. I wish I knew what the fuck was so funny."

Somehow, Rico, I don't think you ever will.

A play date — Nate takes Maya to the house of the woman who was hitting on him. She tells Nate that kids play next to each other at this age -- not with each other -- and that it's called "parallel play." It seems like a throwaway line, but I noticed the title of this episode so you can't fool me.

The Fishers' front porch — Ruth notices a basket; she figures it's a late wedding present. She takes it inside and discovers it's for "Mr. and Mrs. George Sibley," and then that one of the decorative tins in the basket contains some more excrement. I love the fact that the excrement, as well as the feces from last week, look very much like those fake doo-doo things you can buy at novelty shops.

Ruth wants to know why George isn't concerned about the doody, but he says he has lots of enemies because he's in "a controversial field like geology."

Claire looks like the sun is too bright and is giving her a headache.

Claire: "Geology is controversial?"
George: "Oil, Claire. Oil."

George suggests that the shit-sender is one of Ruth's old lovers. Shut up, George. But then Ruth has an idea of her own.

A suit shop — Arthur tries on brown, or grey, or chocolate or charcoal (the tailor is not exactly clear) while Keith revels in the designer markdowns. Keith also thinks they should buy Arthur a whole new wardrobe -- "queer eye for the gay guy."

David: "I don't think Arthur's gay; I think he's 'A.'"
Keith: "I don't know; I think asexual people are asexual because they don't wanna come out of the closet."

Keith, must you be so black and white? Um, never mind. David holds up a very gay-looking sweater and tells Keith he'd look good in it.

Keith: "I need new clothes for work, not gay ski weekend at Mammoth."

Infinity the stripper's apartment — Infinity is talking about food stamps. Rico is surprised; but she explains that if she gets food stamps she can save the cash for something else. Stereotypical much?

Infinity says she's freaked out because she probably has lupus from her implants leaking silicone into her body. Rico, if you are going to fall for that, you must have silicone in your brain. But of course he's going to fall for it, because he's thinking with his penis, so he promises Infinity he'll give her $1500. I think this storyline is giving me permanent heaves: can I have $5000? Thanks.

The play date —Nate is enjoying the swanky surroundings. The woman who's trying to rescue him gives him a Thich Nhat Hanh book: listen, lady, I've read quite a few things by that guy, and I don't think he'd approve of your ridiculously luxurious house, or your empty lasciviousness, or your inability to recognize just how deeply fucked up Nate is right now.

But it doesn't matter: Nate gives in to the kissing. Nate, did you notice she's wearing high heels with sweats? No, of course not, because you can't see with your penis any better than Rico can think with his.

Jimmy's thing — Claire and Anita arrive and are greeted with a bong. Russell is lounging on the couch with his ridiculous mustache and pathetically needy face.

Edie sneaks up on Claire from behind and puts her hands over Claire's eyes. Aww, cute! I like the way she says "Hey, you" to Claire: it sounds more like "kiss me." Okay, maybe not: I'm getting ahead of things, aren't I?

Russell does some weird sort of pseudo-Jim Morrison version of "Froggy went a-courtin'" and it's almost intolerable. Claire muses about how pot makes her feel... not so much paranoid, but like an observer and "beyond that I basically hate everyone." Edie says, "I would say more misanthrope than paranoid." But Claire is also "so tired of hating everyone"; Edie takes that as a cue to bump Russell off the stage and do a funny guitar-as-cock thing that Claire enjoys immensely. Russell sits next to Claire on the couch and tries to get her attention, but she's only got eyes for Edie.

Arthur's room — Ruth confronts Arthur: she suspects he's responsible for the "feces box and the feces gift basket." He's shocked, of course -- he would never send her "poo." How funny is it to see two people talking about shit without saying "shit"?

Arthur admits that he harbors feelings for Ruth: "I'm human. And I'm a man." Ewwww!

Jimmy's thing — Claire is bored. Anita is shaking her junk in front of Russell, who's not really paying attention. Claire makes her way to the loo; while she waits in line, she sees Edie on a bed making out with a ... that's right, a woman! And a woman with red hair. Claire's face says, "Nope, not me: I don't have any reaction to that whatsoever."

Brenda's bathroom — Brenda needs a towel. Joe gets her one, because he "could wait on her hand and foot all day." Yep, I totally get you, Joe. He tries to explain that he's into the sub/dom thing, but Brenda shushes him because she wants sex to be normal. She explains that she's been there, done that, and in the process she mentions her "erotic novella," and she says "novella" with an "r" on the end, like the Australian she is. Hey, by the way, speaking of where people are from and who they look like and whatever, what's with people saying Rachel Griffiths looks like Juliette Lewis? Not a bit, if you're really looking -- and believe me, I am.

Brenda is tired of smoking pot and of all of the other things that seem like an escape from sex. It all gets kind of awkward; Brenda goes to bed and Joe leaves.

Claire's bed — Anita is there, but it's not what you're thinking. She's drunk, and thinking about puking, and Claire is drunk too, but not nauseated -- just full of regret because she drank so much and didn't have any fun.

Claire: "So... is Edie, like, full-time lesbian, or just like art school bi-girl?"
Anita: "No... hard core, like, totally lesbian feminist."

Claire wants to know whether Edie is going out with that other red-haired girl, but Anita is too sick to answer.

The basement at Fisher & Diaz — Rico is working late. The lights flicker a little, and he has a vision of himself on a couch, with Infinity bleeding from her breasts behind him, and then Infinity and Vanessa anointing his feet with oil, and all of that. Jesus, Rico. So to speak.

Arthur's room — David knocks; he opens the door to an empty room. There's a garment bag on the bed, and a note: Arthur has quit. Bye bye!

The Fishers' kitchen table — David reads Arthur's letter to Anita and Claire. Nate comes in; Anita obviously thinks he's hot. Claire sits, with her coffee, as only Claire can sit with coffee.

David: "I wonder if Arthur left because he felt pressure, like Keith and I were trying to welcome-wagon him into gayland."
Claire: "Gayland? Please, Arthur had a thing with Mom."

The Ellen DeGeneres show — Yep, you read that right: Keith is protecting Celeste, who is a guest on the Ellen show. Celeste is played by Michelle Trachtenberg, who was Dawn on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and wasn't that show the best thing on TV for a while? Until the guns showed up, that is -- what was Joss Whedon thinking? Never mind.

Brenda's desk — Brenda is bored with her book. She calls Joe, but there's no answer. Joe, where are you -- when Brenda calls, you damn well better answer!!

The Ellen show — Ellen is there to visit Celeste in her dressing room. She tells Keith he has a "pretty blouse." When I first heard that Ellen was going to guest star on this show, I was not sure about it, but she's great. Funny, and I hear there will be more on the DVD.

The Fishers' garage sale — Technically, it's a yard sale, and that's good, because most people probably wouldn't want to spend much time in a garage attached to a funeral home.

The Ellen show — Ellen, in the way only she can (sorta like the way only Claire can sit with her coffee), is making fun of Celeste, who is not dating Colin Farrell. If I hear one more thing about Colin Farrell's huge penis, I'm going to boycott that damn movie, even though I think Michael Cunningham is God.

Keith is hanging out in Celeste's dressing room, sampling the snacks, looking bored.

The play date — Nate and the mom, whoever she is, have just finished their own sort of parallel play. Yawn.

The Ellen show — Keith's co-worker, or boss or whatever, asks him whether he used the loo in Celeste's dressing room. He did. Gasp! That's apparently not part of the celebrity security guard code.

The Fishers' yard sale — Ruth and George are talking about the shit. Ruth reveals that she and Arthur once had "something." She explains too much: she says that she and Arthur sort of "butted heads," and tries to demonstrate on George. He chuckles and says it's one of those incidents of people mistaking momentary insanity for love. For once I'm on George's side: the whole thing is laughable.

The play date — Nate, freshly showered, just wants to snuggle up in those nice sheets for a while, but the snooty mom wants him to leave. He freaks out a little: he wants to know whether it's that easy -- whether he's just supposed to disappear and pretend nothing happened. She just says she needs him to leave. So he says he will, but after the mom leaves he dives back under the sheet. And then the camera dives under too: we see him curled in fetal position, under all the white of the sheet, and then there is white everywhere, all around him, snow and ice and nothing, and he breathes and the wind howls.

The Fishers' yard sale — Keith tells David about his celebrity security faux pas; David says his day sucked too because Arthur quit. These too are the best case for gay marriage anyone's seen so far.

Claire doesn't know what to do with her unsold clothes; she's over the hippy dippy paisley crap. She decides she wants to burn it all, and asks her mom whether that will be okay. Surprisingly -- or perhaps not -- Ruth sees the divine logic in that notion.

Brenda's bed — Brenda and Joe have been missing each other. They decide that normal sex is bad sex. Okay, Joe, I was wrong about you: you're probably better for Brenda than Nate ever could be, or at least than he could be right now. And Brenda, if you insist on having sex with men rather than me, you could do worse than Joe. So go ahead.

Joe: "I think, ideally, sex for me should be this... revealing of myself. Ourselves, maybe. I think that could be a loving thing too. Right?
Brenda: "Mmm."
Joe: "Don't take Brenda apart and just sort of hand me the good stuff. I want all the stuff, even the bad stuff."

And Brenda kisses him, because how great was that? She asks him what it was he wanted to say, and he says he wonders whether she remembers him saying he could wait on her hand and foot. That's right: next time, Joe gets a studded collar and a leash!

The Fishers' backyard — Claire, Anita, Ruth, George, David, and Keith are there to watch the bonfire of the yard sale vanities. The music is kind of like the music in American Beauty, and the bonfire is just as simple and strong as that plastic bag in the breeze. Claire dashes off to put a speaker in the window and put on some Radiohead, and to get her camera, of course.

Nate: "What's this?"
Claire: "You look weird."

And with that, Nate goes up to his room and tosses down the bedding he thought he needed but doesn't really understand anymore.

Nate tells Ruth he's moving back into the house. Claire asks if she can have the coach house; Ruth doesn't see why not. There's freedom ahead for everyone: they're standing on the edge.

NEXT WEEK ON SIX FEET UNDER: Repeats of the first three episodes. Fuck it. Yeah, I know it's the 4th, but so what? I want to celebrate my freedom by watching a show about death, dammit.