AfterElton.com - "Queer as Folk" Episode 5.01 (page 9)

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Brian: "Well, welcome to the other side of your perfect marriage, Mikey. It's called gay divorce. Fags and dykes can fuck up their lives just like the rest of the world."

Michael says he's just trying to do what's best for his daughter and protect his rights. Brian looks wistful.

The mirror — Ted is stretching his jowls and poking his paunch and flattening his forehead. Oh, blah.

The doorbell rings; it's Emmett, with his news about the news segment.

Emmett: "Just call me the queer guy."
Ted: "Wouldn't that be like calling the Pope the Catholic guy?"

Ah, finally Ted shows up.

Ted whines about his hair and his gut and his face. Emmett pulls Ted in front of the mirror and says "Look at yourself: your true self. The self that kicked crystal, that completed the Liberty Ride, that got a great job. You turned your life around, Teddy. And that is something to be very, very proud of. You're practically a hero. Okay, so who cares if you put on a few pounds or have a few character lines. Stop looking at the shell and see the pearl."

Awww. Ted says Em is "so right," but then Em says he has to get to the gym and get some beauty rest because the camera shows every line and adds 10 pounds. Ugh.

So after Em leaves, Ted picks up the phone and calls a cosmetic surgeon.

Red Cape Comics — Mel looks awfully hot in that motocross jacket. But let's be serious: she's there to talk to Michael about the battle. She says they can work it out without the legal fees.

But she goes too far when she suggests that Michael and Ben can have Jenny when she's four or five. Michael's not buying.

Melanie: "I can't believe you're doing this. After we stood right here in your store and agreed that you could be the father instead of just the sperm donor."
Michael: "Then why won't you let me have her?"
Melanie: "Because you don't know shit about raising a baby. Even your own mother agrees."
Michael: "My mother?"
Melanie: "Yeah, she thinks you're behaving like an asshole."

Uh oh.

Michael: "You know what? I don't give a flying fuck what my mother thinks. Jenny Rebecca is my daughter too and I'm going to have joint custody."
Melanie: "Then you go ahead and try. But let me tell you, you're not only up against one angry mother and lesbian, you're up against one pissed-off lawyer."

Say good night, Michael.

Reunion — Brian and Justin fuck. And fuck and fuck and fuck.

Brian: "I thought you were never coming back."
Justin: "I figured."
Brian: "Well, why would you?"
Justin: "I can't imagine."

In the afterglow, Justin asks whether the offer still stands. Brian silently opens a dresser drawer. It's empty and waiting.

NEXT WEEK ON QUEER AS FOLK: Emmett buckles under the pressure; Lindsay goes on the offensive. And Rosie O'Donnell guest stars — because every lesbian's dream is to hang with Sharon Gless.

More QAF recaps available here.

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