AfterElton.com - "Queer as Folk" Episode 5.10

Queer As Folk recap: Season Five, Episode Ten
(original air date: 17 July 2005)

THIS WEEK'S QAF FAQ:

What are they trying to do to Michael this season?
I dunno, but I think they're trying to drive me mad.
Will Justin ever get over himself?
We'd need at least thirty more episodes for that to happen, not three.
What did Deb's T-shirts say?
"Do I look like a people person?" and "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

Taking it to the streets — Ben and Michael are putting up posters for a Stop Prop 14 benefit. Michael mentions that the "asshole in the White House" is ruining everything, and Ben says Michael sounds like his mom. Michael decides — for perhaps the first time in his life — that that's a compliment.

And a few steps away, Deb herself is talking about that very same asshole as she and Justin put up posters. Whoa, look at Deb's coat — I think I had something like that when I was 8. And that was 1979. But of course, Deb's fashion is timeless.

Suddenly we hear bullhorns — some crazed homophobes are driving by, hollering about Jesus and the family and the homosexual agenda. Our heroes just stop and stare at them, until finally one of the bullhorners says "Jesus forgives sinners," so Deb hollers back, "Oh yeah? Well, I've got news for you: Jesus thinks you stink!"

It was kind of a weird scene; everybody seemed so stunned and hurt by the people with the bullhorns, whereas I would tend to just roll my eyes and swear. I guess I'm not as optimistic as this lot, so I'm not surprised when somebody screams at me. (But come on, who can be surprised by it while that asshole is in the White House?)

A swank hotel — Ben, Michael, Emmett, and Melanie are talking about the upcoming anti-Prop 14 benefit, for which they have just rented a ballroom (party room? conference room? whatever) in a nifty hotel. Wait: hi there Melanie. Hello! Hi! I thought you looked great in tank tops, but look at you in your grey lawyerly clothes... grrrowwrr.

The hotel manager, Roy, shows up, so Melanie introduces him to everyone. He has bad news: the corporate bigwigs have backed out of the deal because some their biggest accounts aren't fond of the queer folk.

Roy reveals that he's been in a relationship for 15 years, and wants to protect it, but he has to protect his job too. Yeah, that's how it starts, buddy.

Kinnetik — Ted is staring at his monitor and saying "oh yeah, he's hot" — giving us all fond (?) memories of the time he got caught jerking off to online porn at Wertshafter's. But of course Brian doesn't care — he's just there to tease him.

Ted wasn't really on a porn site anyway; he's looking for "husband material." All of the guys look pretty damn boring — they all say they like "to cuddle after a long day." Brian takes over and goes right to a site called "Hot Men Down Under." Turns out he's going to Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney, to celebrate the news that he's completely cancer-free. Aww, cool.

The house of too much tension — Melanie is home. Lindsay is cooking. Mel keeps flashing back to their encounter on the dining room table, but wants to ignore the whole thing. Lindsay finally says something.

Lindsay: "Are we just gonna pretend, as if it never happened?"
Melanie: "No one's pretending. In fact, I hear it happens to a lot of divorced couples. Some say the sex is even hotter than when they were married.... It was a mistake. A momentary lapse in judgment."
Lindsay: "Just one of those in-the-heat-of-the-moment sort of things."
Melanie: "Precisely."
Lindsay: "Then I guess we should disregard it. Move on."
Melanie: "I think that would be best."

No, it would be best if you would re-create the whole thing right now, only with Lindsay on top and sporting a strap-on and Mel on all fours. What? Don't tell me you weren't thinking it too. Talk about the heat of the moment.

The diner — Justin is still grousing about his mom's young boyfriend. Deb gives him a talking-to and says Jennifer is entitled to the same freedoms Justin and Brian had. Then Deb sneezes in a rather gross way and says "fuckin' pepper" (she's refilling the shakers). I love those little Deb moments! I'll miss them, and not much else.

Ted is meeting one of the "husband material" guys, who seems just as boring in person as he did on the site. He has brown hair and a brown tie and a brown aura. Well, except for the hilarious story he tells about his traumatic childhood: he went to a Partridge Family Reunion event and got trampled. So now he still gets nervous being in a crowd.

Deb shows up with coffee and says "Are you checking each other out to make sure you're not trolls? And then you go and fuck?" Hee.

So Ted asks the guy whether they have indeed passed the troll test, and he agrees that they have. Ted suggests a real date — the Stop Prop 14 benefit, where Cyndi Lauper will be performing. The mere thought of that big crowd nearly sends the guy into a fit. But he decides to face his fear, and agrees to go.

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