AfterElton.com - "Queer as Folk" Episode 5.12

Queer As Folk recap: Season Five, Episode Twelve
(original air date 31 July 2005)

THIS WEEK'S QAF FAQ:

So would Brian jump off a cliff if Justin told him to?
I think maybe he already has.
What's up with Ted's new boyfriend?
More importantly, why introduce this storyline in the penultimate episode?
What did Deb's T-shirt say?
I think it said "How about Never? Is Never good for you?"

Housewarming — Brian and Justin are having sex. And having sex. And having sex... in every room of their new house. But it's not just a "house": Justin wants to call it something. He suggests Mandalay and Xanadu and Wuthering Heights, but Brian's not impressed. So then Justin says "Brighton" — or rather Bri-tin, which is far too cute. In a sickening kind of way.

The reactions — Justin and Brian have sent out wedding invites. The gallery of goggling reactions to the news is pretty funny:

Deb: "Jesus Fuckin' Christ!"
Ted: [spit take]
Lindsay: "It just goes to show, if you love someone long enough and hard enough —"
Melanie: "You get a sore ass?"
Deb: "There's only one explanation: he musta knocked up Sunshine."
Michael: "This is fucking bullshit."

Yes, leave it to Michael to ruin the fun. Ben points out that Michael still loves Brian, but Michael pouts and says he doesn't. Ben finally tells him (even though he wasn't supposed to) that Brian was at the hospital that night, and freaked out when they told him he couldn't donate blood. This seems to make Michael reconsider. Oh, so all of the other things Brian has done for you weren't quite enough — he actually had to bleed for you, or at least try to? Shut up, Michael.

The diner — Hunter seems to have Justin's old job. He says he'd rather clean toilets for all eternity than go back to "shit-hole high," and Deb tells him that's exactly what he'll be doing if he doesn't get a diploma. Yes, it's Queer as Folk: The After School Special edition.

Meanwhile, Drew and Emmett are having a meal and talking about Drew's old team, the Ironmen. It seems the Ironmen are not doing very well without him. So Drew and Em flirt and grin at each other, but I just don't think they have much chemistry. I think maybe Peter Paige should have been paired with someone who can actually act. (By the way, look how cute and wonderful he is: http://www.peterpaige.net/)

Deb sees an unattended duffel bag on the floor and starts to freak out. Just as Carl gets ready to call the bomb squad, the owner of the bag emerges from the loo and says the only thing in the bag that might be called a "bomb" is the copy of Alexander that he rented from the video store. Ha ha.

Making plans — Lindsay is giving Gus a bath. Mel has bought him a bath toy that's great for squirting water all over. Lindsay scolds him and says, "What did I tell you about getting Mommy wet?" Mel teases that it's just water. What a wasted opportunity — Mel should have said something like "I get you wet all the time, and you don't seem to mind." But once again, one can't expect that sort of authorial effort to be expended for the lesbians on this show.

Mel has just been on the phone with the foxy Jennifer; it seems someone's already interested in the house. Lindsay's not exactly excited to hear that, but she says she still wants to go through with the move. Mel agrees that it's a big decision, but she still wants to do it too:

Melanie: "When I look at our kids' faces, I think 'why should they grow up someplace where they're told their parents are sick?' Or they're hurt and humiliated? That kind of pain is indelible; you can never wash it off."

Lindsay says they have to talk to Brian and Michael first. They both expect Brian to be easy and Michael to be a problem, and that's how we know the opposite will be true.

Kinnetik — Justin and Brian have hired Emmett as their wedding planner. Justin wants golden gardenias, which will have to be brought in from Southern China. Brian makes a big show of saying that if Justin wants golden gardenias, then he'll have golden gardenias, and I nearly make a big show of liberating the golden contents of my stomach.

Michael shows up, and he and Brian finally kiss and make up. Yes, literally — hey, remember when they used to kiss all the time and you could tell that Michael was secretly wishing they were together? Ah, good times.

Oh, also, Brian asks Michael to be his best man. Yippee.

1 / 2 / 3 - Next