AfterElton.com - "Queer as Folk" Episode 5.05

Queer As Folk recap: Season Five, Episode Five
(original air date 12 June 2005)

THIS WEEK'S QAF FAQ:

Why is Justin suddenly wanting Brian to change?
The better question is why didn't Brian see this coming?
Why is Michael suddenly being nice?
I guess sometimes the character inconsistencies swing the right way.
What did Deb's/Loretta's T-shirt(s) say?
Nuthin'! We got nuthin' this time!! Unless I missed it in the midst of all the drama-rama.

Babylon — The place is still hoppin'. And the boys are hoppin' all over Emmett, the "TV star." And why wouldn't they? He's the cutest thing there.

Justin finds Brian in the new VIP lounge. Wouldn't it have been funny if the VIP lounge had been clean and austere and full of people reading books and collecting stamps? Instead, it's the usual den of iniquity, and Brian and Justin are the kings.

Pass the baby — Poor Jenny Rebecca is getting tossed from Michael to Melanie to Lindsay in a silly little montage. Sigh.

Pissed and bitter — Hunter and Ben and Michael are sauntering down the sidewalk. Hunter is understandably upset about everything that's going on at school. Stepford Michael tells him he can be pissed and bitter, or he can move on. I'm going to do both when this season ends.

Brian drives up in his car, which reminds me of the Ambiguously Gay Duo car. Only cooler. Brian wants to know why Michael didn't show up for "Hard Heroes" night, but Michael is not properly apologetic.

Brian: "Well, when you and Ben are through breast-feeding, you should swing by."

Snort.

Deb's house — Loretta has brought Deb some flowers. Deb declares them "fuckin' beautiful." Loretta has also made three kinds of fudge, because in her eyes, Deb deserves everything. I feel the same way, but I'd be more likely to make her tabouli or samosas than fudge.

Emmett bounces down the stairs:

Emmett: "Somebody win a beauty pageant?"
Deb: "Yeah, Miss Fat Ass 2005."

I snort, but Loretta tells Deb she's not fat. That's not the point — the point is that Deb is fuckin' beautiful either way. Oh, and Loretta does point that out too.

And then they hug, and it means too much to Loretta — and Em can see that right away. After Loretta leaves, Em tells Deb that it's obvious that Loretta's in love with her. Deb doesn't wanna believe it, of course.

Deb: "That's impossible. I'm a happily married woman. I like dick."

Sing it, sister!

Deb asks Em what she should do, and he says she simply has to talk to Loretta. Deb imagines saying "Listen, Loretta: I can't even imagine diving into a muff."

Heh. This is making me think of Margaret Cho. "You really need a Wet Nap if you're going to eat that. Mmm, this is way too much... could I have a pussy bag? Pussy play ping pong!!"

Brian's check-up — Hey, there's Brian's ass. Or at least his left cheek. It's rather attractive, and I'm a lesbian. Help!

But there's bad news: Brian has syphilis. The doctor explains that it's becoming more common in the gay community, and asks Brian whether he can pinpoint who gave it to him. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

The treatment is penicillin and two days of celibacy, which is like telling Margaret Cho not to swear for two days. Or telling George W. Bush not to mispronounce anything or get all defensive for two days. Or two hours. Or — wait — it's like telling me not to ramble for two recaps.

The doc also tells Brian he'll need to inform everyone he's had sexual contact with.

Brian: "Had we but world enough and time."

It's one thing to be a sexy thang with a cute left cheek: must you also be well-read?? Can I be your coy mistress?

School sux — Everyone's staring at Hunter. He stands fairly strong anyway. Callie is nice to him, and he's never needed it more.

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