AfterElton.com - "Queer as Folk" Episode 5.06

Queer As Folk recap: Season Five, Episode Six
(original air date 19 June 2005)

THIS WEEK'S QAF FAQ:

Why was Ted so nice to that guy from the gym?
He's Ted. Try to accept it.
Is there hope for Melanie and Lindsay?
I say yes. But what do I know? I'm a sucker.
What did Deb's T-shirt say?
I think it just had a picture of a pink plate on it.

Babylon — Ted is recounting his recent exploits; Emmett is impressed. Apparently the nip and tuck did make a difference to Ted's attitude.

But of course Brian is the king of attitude:

Brian: "Good evening, twats."
Emmett: "Would you kindly refrain from using derogatory references to women, since they represent half my fan base?"
Brian: "Have any hermaphrodites?"
Emmett: "Um, I don't think so..."
Brian: "Good: go fuck yourself."

Brian scans the crowd for something "worth doing." Suddenly they all three see him: the hottest guy on the floor. Or so I guess we're supposed to conclude. Ted starts to go after him, but Brian cuts in line. Oh, and Justin is there too, watching and scowling and pouting.

Brian follows Hot Guy to the back room and interrupts the little liaison that's about to take place. But as Brian zeroes in on his target, Hot Guy stops Brian's hand and walks away.

Whoa. Did that just happen?? I suppose next you'll be telling me the Earth is actually flat.

The happy homo homeowners — Michael, Ben, and Justin are talking about the new issue of Rage, in which Rage and J.T. have gone to the planet Massachupiter to get married.

Ben and Michael talk about their upcoming housewarming party and then smooch for a while. Justin looks on, sad and envious. Hunter shows up to save me from my misery.

The proud papas want to know where Hunter has been. He says he was practicing with his debating partner; Justin says "Whenever I used to tell my parents that, I was usually getting stoned." You're busted, Hunter.

But no, Ben and Michael are gullible and supportive, so Hunter gets away with it for now.

The Queer Guy — Emmett works his magic on a comb-over. I really, really wish all those middle-aged straight men would get the hint about that. Anyway, Em's new tag line is "be faaaabbbulous," which is cute, but the whole thing is still so fakey. It gets worse when the producer dude says "Even people who hate fags love you." Ugh.

Expiring — Deb is camped out on the couch, suffering from some mysterious ailment. Carl is there with tea and toast, because he rocks, but it's kind of clear that Deb's sorta faking. Well, or that she feels under the weather, but not for any clear reason. Still, Deb suspects it might be bird flu because "a pigeon shit on my shoulder the other day." Snort.

Shameless self-promotion — Emmett is handing out flyers at the gym — flyers for his upcoming appearance at a department store. He finds Ted and they banter for a bit. A guy walks by; it's the guy who went home with Ted during Pride 2002, and later confessed that he thought of Ted as a "pity fuck." And now Ted wants revenge. Ooooh, I'm, like, so scared.

Parenting — Ben is wearing black gloves with a brown leather jacket. Come on, he should have better fashion sense than I do — where's the queer guy when you need him? Anyway, Ben is at Hunter's school, to watch Hunter debate. Ben sees Callie and says hello. She, of course, knows nothing about a debate. She also wants to know whether Hunter is okay, because he hasn't been in school all week.

Ben pretends all is well, but he can't pretend he doesn't have a doofy look on his face again.

The queer guy appearance — Em is offering tips and being cute. Lindsay and Ted are there, cheering him on, and Brian is there to do something rather different.

Brian: "It's an honor to count among our close personal friends television's latest gay eunuch."
Emmett: "Excuse me?"
Brian: "You know, as in nonsexual... nonthreatening... ball-less. You do homage to a long and illustrious line of lovable, laughable clowns who come before you."

Wait, did Brian just call somebody ball-less? Anyway, Brian says that Emmett's fans think he's cute now, but they might not adore him so much if they knew he "took it up the ass and liked it." Hmm. Good point. So to speak.

Brian puts his hand on Emmett's shoulder; a fan sort of knocks Brian's hand off, and Brian flashes back to the rejection in the back room. Oh, come on. It's one thing for him to be rejected — now you want to make him insecure on top of it? Well, but I guess he's never insecure on top.

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