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7. Like The Unit, 24 would be a great chance to break some of the stereotypes about gay men. I don't care if the gay guy is one of the goodies or the baddies, but like Lost, this is a show with a huge cast. Plus, it's in its seventh season so adding a gay character is as overdue as Jack Bauer getting killed. Besides, it's a matter of verisimilitude. None of the people on 24 besides Jack have private lives (though their heterosexuality is made clear by the longing looks they share with each other, especially when one of them is about to bite it). They're all slaves to the job, and you know darn well who ends up taking those jobs most of the time: gay boys and lesbians without spouses nagging them to come home and watch the brats or take out the trash.

We also know from actual military discharges that gay men make up a disproportionate number of Arabic translators. Clearly, 24's anti-terrorism headquarters must simply be awash with gay boys. Rupert Everett recently complained about not getting much work. Why not cast him as a suave British agent who not only saves Jack, but helps him dress better?

8. Shark is the new legal drama starring James Woods as a hotshot attorney. The law is another profession requiring ridiculous hours of man-power that gay men are best suited to provide. And Hollywood has already given us one famous straight attorney played by a gay man, that being Raymond Burr as Perry Mason. Now it's time to even the score with a straight man playing a gay attorney.

I propose having James Woods' attorney on Shark be an openly gay man. Sure, there are plenty of other legal shows that could do this, but I like the idea of having Woods, a vocal supporter of George W. Bush, playing a gay man. Yes, he's already played Roy Cohn, but he probably enjoyed that. I also propose that Shark not only be gay, but also kind and decent. Plus, he has to be a member of the ACLU, HRC and Sierra Club. That should drive Woods around the bend.

9. Men in Trees is the new sitcom starring Anne Heche. I know, I know. Does anyone in the gay community really want to go anywhere near Anne again even if she is supportive of our side? Fool me once and everything. But Men in Trees presents yet another opportunity to debunk myths about all gay boys being urban-dwelling, Frappuccino-sipping wusses who will never get any closer to being Marlboro Men than playing Jack and Ennis on that “special” night every month.

You see, Men in Trees is set in Alaska where men are men — and mostly hard-drinking Republicans, to boot. This would be a great chance to introduce America to the concept of bears, something likely to rattle their image of gay men considerably. Additionally, this would give television another chance to let the Log Cabin Republicans see themselves on the little screen. After all, Christian Campbell's gay Republican on The Book of Daniel never even got to explain his twisted logic for supporting the party that has completely banned his right to ever form any sort of legal commitment whatsoever.

10. If there is anything Hollywood loves as much as older men married to younger women, it's sitcoms about married couples. From I Love Lucy to The Dick Van Dyke Show to Mad About You to this season's ‘Til Death, television has beaten the husband-and-wife concept to death. Yet they still refuse to let it die.

If every season must include a married couple sitcom, why not take advantage of the fact that Massachusetts now allows same-sex marriage and do a show about a gay married couple? It doesn't even have to be any fresher than that. It can still have 2.5 annoying kids, a cute dog, nosy neighbor and boss from hell. That should keep the viewing audience from getting too uncomfortable. Yes, ABC gave us It's All Relative several years ago, but it was a bad show (even with the brilliant Harriet Sansom Harris). The concept deserves at least one more shot.

There you have it. Ten easy fixes for Hollywood's gay problem. So come on, ABC (and NBC, CBS and FOX), prove you're not the staid, tired dinosaurs that FX, Comedy Central and all the other cable networks make you look like. I know change is hard. But you can do it. You figured out how to make Jim Belushi a star, after all.

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