Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next

Everyone heads down for their first Quickfire Challenge. These challenges provide immunity to the winner and showcase technique and talent, according to Padma.

By the way, if you were counting, that's only 12 chefs, and we know there are 15 this season. We're missing three, but they'll come later. More or less.

Back to the show. Padma welcomes the chefs to the Kenmore kitchen where all the appliances are provided by Kenmore and the cookware is Calphalon. I have some of that Calphalon cookware and I can attest that it's good stuff. The best I've ever cooked on. Do I get a check now?

Padma also introduces this week's guest judge, Season 1's Top Chef Harold Dieterle. Head judge Tom Colicchio gives a little speech about how he's not there to be their friend, and then it's back to Padma who explains that this week's Quickfire challenge is about quickness and fire. Wow. They really stretched for that one. The chefs have to create a flambé dish in 20 minutes using various alcohols and ingredients provided in the kitchen.

And we're off.

As they show scenes of everyone frantically scurrying around the kitchen — with knives... that can't be safe — we meet the last three chefs. They're so glossed over I feel a little bad for them. Instead of lengthy introductions, their names are flashed across the bottom of the screen while they give a brief sound-bite about the challenge. There's Otto (46, instructor at the Las Vegas Culinary Institute), Emily (30, master cook in Las Vegas), and Cliff (28, executive chef in NYC).

So at final count, we have 5 chefs from NYC, 4 from Las Vegas, 6 from CA, and one from Florida. Either the Midwest has no good cooks or the show's producers don't realize America even has a Midwest. My money is on the latter.

There's a lot of hullabaloo during the challenge, but, in the end, we don't even get to see what everyone makes. We know Marcel makes a banana avocado tart with corn chip, ice cream, and a rum cocktail. He has a minimal plating style that the judges always love. It looks pretty, but it always strikes me as style over substance.

Elia makes strawberries with red wine and chocolate sauce. Everyone is concerned and confused over her choice to use red wine since it has a low alcohol content and doesn't flambé well. It also looks like poop on a plate.

Betty makes spicy coconut curry, steamed mussels, and mango couscous. It looks beautiful and delicious. Suyai prepares spicy tequila lime shrimp with chunky mango and avocado salsa. It doesn't look terrible, but it lacks presentation. The only other dish they bother to show us is Sam's espresso shrimp flambéed with sambuca, roasted hazelnuts and peanut paste. It's simply gorgeous and you can tell the judges are impressed.

Harold then chooses the three worst dishes. He picks Carlos because apparently he has issues with nonfunctioning garnish (Don't we all?), Elia because of the red wine debacle, and Suyai because of bad seasoning and undercooked shrimp. Suyai nods vigorously, as if she couldn't agree more. "Yes, yes, throw me under the bus!"

For his favorite dishes, Harold chooses Sam, Betty, and Emily, who apparently made pork with apples. Not that we'd know, Bravo. Sam wins the challenge and gets immunity.

Back at the loft, everyone sets to drinking. Michael quickly gets drunk and sloppy. Big shock. Way to break through those stereotypes, Mike! Frank points out that Michael seems to be wearing more of the alcohol than he's drinking, and sure enough, his shirt is soaked. Classy.

We see Cliff and Carlos in the bedroom bemoaning the fact that they have to share the room with the boozy, and apparently chatty, Michael. Carlos locks the door. Then we see a now shirtless Michael stumbling drunkenly towards the door before we get an outside shot of the lofts and the captioned Mike slurring, "What? You're locking me out now?" It's all fun and games at the Top Chef manse.

The next morning, Michael seems a little embarrassed about his drunkenness the night before. He interviews that everyone thinks he's a little crazy now. Then the editors cut to him sitting at the table saying, "My mom only hit me once, just once." Not sure about that segue, but Marcel quickly pipes up, "Maybe she should have hit you a couple more times."

Ah, child abuse. Always such great fodder for comedy.

Everyone looks somewhat stunned. Ilan interviews that "Marcel always instigates problems for no reason. If it was a demeanor competition, he'd be going home first." Not the sharpest slam I've ever heard, but I think it's safe to say that Ilan is developing a strong dislike for Marcel. So is everyone else on the show... and the entire TV audience... probably everyone in Afghanistan. You get the idea.

Marcel digs his hole a little deeper as he interviews, "It's not about relationships. It's about the food. You can be my best friend and it doesn't matter. I came here to win this competition."

I think this is one of my biggest pet peeves about reality show contestants: The whole, "I didn't come here to make friends" excuse for being a jerk. Yes, it's a competition, and, yes, I know you want to win, but come on. That doesn't give you free rein to be a complete ass. It's not like you're the Vice President or something.

Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 - Next