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In the first three minutes of this show, the writers equate gayness with bulimia, bankruptcy, and drug abuse. And while we unfortunately do still live in a time where closeted celebrities fuel speculation and rumor-mongering, to lump someone's sexuality in with destitution and self-starvation oversteps tastelessness into outright insult.

But it is tabloids being discussed here, after all – and there's nothing like gay gossip to set celeb-worshippers' tongues wagging. In its third episode, Dirt does get around to revealing a closeted gay character (an action franchise megastar played by Grant Show of Melrose Place), who makes an unexpected (and very aggressive) play towards Lucy's interior decorator brother. Considering that when he is introduced her brother is one of the show's few sympathetic characters, it's a bit disheartening to see him get involved with someone so obviously compromised. Then again, her brother is also only introduced that episode, so he comes across as less a character and more of a plot contrivance.

And really, this is nothing new – in fact, the short-lived Jay Mohr vehicle Action (yet another easy-target satire of Hollywood starring Mohr as a psychotic agent) featured its own supposedly hilarious closeted action movie star. Oddly enough, both men reveal their gayness by dropping to their knees sending yet another message about how oversexed gay men are. And the networks wonder why GLAAD isn't sending them gift baskets for putting shows like this on the air.

The whole “closeted celebrity” thing doesn't even feel particularly current. Considering that two relatively big television actors (Neil Patrick Harris of How I Met Your Mother and Doogie Howser, and T.R. Knight of Grey's Anatomy) recently came out of the closet with little or no fanfare (both wisely nipped any controversy in the bud by simply making a statement – nothing shuts up the gossip mill faster than the truth). Is the “outing” of a gay celebrity even that shocking anymore? Learning an “A” list movie star was gay would undoubtedly be news, but it isn't a good sign for Dirt's creativity that this is the first gay storyline for which they grab.

Which is only indicative of a larger problem with the show: print tabloids simply aren't what they used to be. It feels odd to set a new show (which is itself a showcase for a hugely popular actress) in an industry that in the last year has found itself fleeced by the rise of Internet gossip bloggers. Bloggers scoop the print rags at almost every turn these days, and more often than not swipe “exclusive” photos out from under their noses too fast for the tabs' lawyers to catch them. Which begs the question: why, in the first three episodes of this show has the Internet not even been mentioned? True, Lucy's magazines are in trouble (she makes a “revolutionary” decision in the third episode in order to save them), but it's attributed to poor management, not their being scooped by the bloggers. It feels like this concept and the show's many scandalous subplots were pulled straight from the papers – papers from the fall of 2005, that is.

Dirt does highlight an interesting dilemma for gay viewers. One the one hand, it's traditionally been difficult for gay audiences to find gay characters and stories on the small screen. And a show about tabloids, show business, and scandals is of course more likely to dip into the queer piggy bank for content, simply because it's still a taboo topic.

But that's not to say that a show like Dirt deserves the gay community's approval or attention. Gay audiences are increasingly demanding of good, fresh stories and less liable to latch onto shows that exploit or insult their sexual orientation. After all, there are other options out there (they're mostly on cable, but so is Dirt). The show is also aggressively unpleasant, and although it does improve in terms of pacing and production value over the course of the first three episodes, there is a stunning lack of complex characters and genuine surprise.

If you follow the tabs and can't get enough of the actual celebrity scandals already available, Dirt allows you the chance to watch actors recreate these scandals on basic cable. Of course, there is always plenty of fun to be had at the expense of the flashy and sometimes ridiculous world of show business. The real scandal with Dirt, however, is that no more humor or entertainment value could be found amidst all the loathsomeness.

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