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Cut to Kevin's law office. Chad is at the computer showing Kevin a web site called “Dan Silk's Skinny Minnie” (which seems to be a fictional version of Perez Hilton).

Chad: Scroll down past the photo of Britney without her underwear.

Kevin: Oh it's you. And ME!

Chad: (reading from website) “Soap hunk shops for furniture in WeHo with friend.”

Kevin: Wow! I'm a friend?

Chad: You're a friend in italics.

Kevin: (reading from the website) “If that doesn't sound the alarm, check out the less than hetero lamp he took home.” I told you that lamp was gay! And ugly.

Chad: Kev, I've spent the morning fielding calls from my agent, my manager, my Mom.

Kevin: Your Mom checks Skinny Minnie?

Your Mom hands out prophylactics and vibrator recommendations. Why would any sort of maternal behavior surprise you, Kevin?

Chad: She Googles my name, once a week. That's not the point. We need to lay low.

Kevin: We barely go out in daylight as it is. I'm starting to feel like a vampire. Besides, we didn't do anything wrong.

Chad: I know, but I'm in this guy's sights.

Kevin: There are better options. We can call Dan Silk, threaten him.

Chad: No offense, but I don't think you could take him. Besides, pummeling this guy won't do much for my public image.

Brief aside but, wow! If my boyfriend told me he doubted I could “take” Perez Hilton in a fistfight I think I'd be really insulted. Kevin's not exactly a bruiser, but he doesn't seem like a pushover either.

Kevin: No, I mean threaten him with legal action.

Chad: But it's all true.

Kevin: I'm a lawyer. I do this all the time. Truth is irrelevant.

Ahem. Apologies in advance for channeling Star Jones here, but “speaking as a lawyer” I have to say this implication that attorneys don't care about the truth is offensive. Kevin may not fit into any gay stereotype, but the writers seem more than willing to have him lapse into the most obnoxious lawyer stereotype imaginable. But Star and I digress.

Chad: I've never seen you so…litigious. It's kinda hot. But no way can you call him.

Kevin: Come on he's just one guy. He'll cave. They all do.

Chad: These stories don't have a long shelf life.

Yes, but only because hunky soap opera actors don't generally have long shelf lives. Speaking of which, isn't Jason Lewis' six episode story arc about up already? I feel like we're just marking time until Senator McAllister's brother shows up.

Chad: If we don't give him any more ammunition this Silk dude will move on to somebody else.

Or maybe back to Britney Spears. (Hey, sidebar discussion, but am I the only one that sorta likes the shaved head look on Britney? Much better than those stupid blond extensions. She went from emulating Paris Hilton to Sinead O'Connor—a clear improvement in my book.)

Kevin: And we can see daylight again?

Chad: Definitely.

Kevin: Good. And I could totally take that guy.

I agree, Kevin. You could take Dan Silk in a fist fight. Or Perez Hilton for that matter. Only no hair pulling this time—Kitty still has the bald patches from your childhood squabbles.

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