Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 - Next

Cut to later. A lusty medieval tavern wench/cater waitress goes around dispensing non-alcoholic grog to the assembled guests. Nora is swinging from guest to guest hugging everyone—herself a bit of a flying monkey.

Ida butts in to cause trouble.

Ida: A peasant girl told me there is no alcohol. What is going on here?

Kevin offers to get her a sparkling cranberry juice. Just then Senator McAllister enters. Ida spots him and leers. Seriously, she leers. Oh Mrs. C! The Fonz would be scandalized.

Ida: Who's the movie star?

Kitty greets McAllister and leads him over to introduce him to Nora and Ida.

McAllister: Nora, I am so sorry to just be getting here. But you know the rule. Be early or late. Anything else risks ruining the surprise.

Ida: Well, it wouldn't have mattered anyway because I already…

Kitty cuts her off and tells everyone how McAllister kindly volunteered his personal chef to do the catering.

Ida: Well thank God for you otherwise there'd be nothing to eat, either.

Kitty: Kevin, do you think you could show grandma the couch?

And, presumably, stuff her under it. We follow Kevin and Ida into the living room. Obviously Grandma doesn't yet know that Kevin is gay.

Ida: You are so handsome. Why are you still a bachelor?

Kevin : Grandma… I uh.

Ida: Look at you. Blushing. You're so cute. If I were your age I would date you.

Kevin: (exasperated) You know what? I'm gonna get us some wine.

Given the way that Ida leered at the senator you have to worry she isn't just complimenting Kevin. Methinks the old letch really would date her grandson. BTW, is it me, or does everyone in this family resort to getting plastered when faced with uncomfortable situations?

As if to prove my point, we cut to the kitchen. Nora finds Uncle Saul and pulls him into the pantry.

Nora: Where did they hide the booze? Tell me, really, I'm not joking!

Saul: Nora, if I knew where it was believe me I'd be drunk by now.

Nora: Mom is driving me crazy. I'm going to end up institutionalized on my 60 th birthday.

Saul: Why do you let her get to you? Why don't you just walk away?

Nora: Where would I go? She's like a heat-seeking missile!

Saul wants to get the story straight about something. He's confused because Nora told him that Ida purposely skipped Bill Walker's funeral. Whereas, Ida claims that Nora told her not to come.

Nora: She asked me if it was all right if she went on a cruise to the Bahamas. What was I supposed to say?

Saul: Maybe she just wanted you to tell her that you wanted her to come.

Nora: You know what. It was not about her. My husband died. Why do you always take her side?

All during this conversation, Nora is literally climbing the pantry shelves looking for alcohol—any alcohol. Even cooking sherry. She lucks out and finds a stash of mini bottles of scotch. She and Saul each down two of them before heading back to the party.

Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 - Next