Meanwhile Elton and longtime partner David Furnish will also be having a small ceremony, on Dec. 21st, the day civil unions become legal in Britain. George has promised to attend the party afterward, although he’s not sure what gift to get Elton, a man who has everything. Hey, I bet I know one thing Elton doesn’t have: Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael.

STRAIGHT BOYS CAN BE SUCH BAD SPORTS
Our man Rafe survived another day over on Survivor as Judd, the only other guy still standing, got axed. And Judd was none too happy about getting voted off, repeatedly calling the others “scumbags” and hoping they “got bit by a freaking crocodile”. Hmm, I guess Judd never actually watched Survivor before getting on the show. Or maybe everybody talks to each other that way in New Jersey. Either way, it’s hard to imagine the soft-spoken Rafe departing so acrimoniously had he been voted off. If things keep going this way, he just might not have to worry about that.

PERVERTS TAKE HEART!
And by perverts I mean people like me. News is that the Colin Farrell sex tape is inching closer to distribution. The issue has landed in federal court where it is believed that the judges will be more eager to see Colin shake his booty with former Playboy Playmate Nicole Narain. At least that’s how I interpret all the legal mumbo-jumbo. Narain, who initially insisted that she had no more desire for the tape to see the light of day than did Colin, apparently has a very short memory. Nicole recently popped up on “newscaster” Rita Cosby’s “news” show, arguing that she was entitled to “earn” money from the tape. And why not? Whores should get paid, after all. But Nicole isn’t greedy. “And I want Colin to get his fair share, too,” she told Rita. For Nicole’s sake, I hope Colin doesn’t get his fair share, or she’ll find her head being served to him on a platter.

HOW TO LET THE WHOLE GAY COMMUNITY KNOW YOU’RE A TWIT
Charles Stadtlander, president of the Log Cabin Republicans of Greater St. Louis, recently got his nose in a snit when he attended a drag show at the University of Missouri. The very proper Mr. Stadtlander was dismayed that the performers appeared in scanty costumes, used inappropriate language and—quelle horreur—made fun of straight people. A university spokesman said the very proper Mr. Stadtlander’s complaint was the only one made and added that no taxpayer money was used to stage the event. Reports have it that, since the complaint, audience and cast members from the show have willingly volunteered to help remove the very large stick jammed up the very proper Mr. Stadtlander’s bum.

QUEER FLICKS AT SUNDANCE
Sundance just announced the line-up for the upcoming festival and, as always, there are some movies of gay interest. The drama category will include Puccini for Beginners from director Maria Maggenti (The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love) as well as Quinceaneara, a Latino coming of age story by the openly gay writer-directors of The Fluffer. And Small Town Gay Bar by Malcolm Ingram was selected for the Documentary category. The movie is described as a “voyage to the deep South to tell a tale of the struggle for community and expression in the face of ignorance, hypocrisy, and oppression.” Um, I can hardly wait.

WHAT THE HELL IS A LOVE MONKEY ANYWAY?
Never mind, I probably don’t want to know. Nonetheless, CBS has picked up a show called Love Monkey, set to premiere on Jan 17th. The drama, featuring Jason Priestley, will follow four male friends as they journey through blah, blah, blah. What you need to know is that one of the four characters is a former Major League baseball player who is gay. Played by the very attractive Christopher Wiehl (Playmakers), I’m hopeful the character will actually have not one, not two, but three dimensions. Imagine that, Will Truman! The only problem for Love Monkey? The show will air on Tuesdays at 9 PM against not just My Name Is Earl, but also the two hotties on Supernatural. Do they really imagine that any gay men are going to be watching the damn thing?.

SPEAKING OF SPECIAL TV MOMENTS
TV Guide and TV Land are together going to count down The 100 Most Unexpected TV Moments next week. Gee, how did I ever live without knowing this information? Because I have your best interests at heart, I took my precious time to scan the list for all the homo-interest stuff. My eyes glazed over somewhere around number seventy, but I do remember Paul Lynde’s appearance on The Dating Game as Bachelor #1 was somewhere up there. Number sixty-four was when Phyllis’s brother was revealed as gay on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Then there was David Duchovny flirting with Larry Sanders, Richard Hatch running around naked on Survivor, and, clocking in at number twenty-seven was when the gay couple appeared together in bed on Thirtysomething. Strangely enough, Tom Cruise’s sofa-jumping appearance on Oprah didn’t even make the list at all.

Now I’ll shut up so you can have the BEST. GAY. WEEK. EVER.

That's it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Gay. Week. Ever., or read previous installments here.