One of the three planned networks is LOGO. It’s probably the most well-known, by virtue of the fact that its corporate parent is MTV. This is a good sign. MTV has been relentlessly pro-gay, giving us The Real World with Pedro Zamora, and Spring Break with lots of hot, shirtless college guys.

A second proposed gay network is Q Television. Okay, the name is pretty lame and the intro on their web page is a horrifying litany of what a desirable demographic we gay people are. Did you know we are 3.4 times more likely to have a household income over $250,000? Thirty-one percent of us have a broadband internet connection. Ninety percent of us smell better than ninety nine percent of heterosexual males. (We made that last one up, but it’s true, no?)

Knowing what a great demographic we are makes us definitely want to watch Q Television, because for them, it’s clearly all about the programming.

The final gay network is here! No, really, that’s the name: here!

It’s not a good sign when the network name lends itself to endless ridicule a la a Three Stooges skit. That said, here! claims to be interested in programming “where the main characters just happen go to be gay,” according to CEO Paul Colichman. They promise a wide range of entertainment that is both gay and mainstream: horror, thriller, romance, family--anything other than the standard independent gay cinema fare. Since such shows are pretty much non-existent, that means here! will be producing lots of original programming.

Toward that end, we make a plea to here! and to all the other gay networks-to-be.
Please don’t expect us to watch crappy shows just because they’re “gay.” For bad acting and ridiculous storylines, we can just watch porn.

Speaking of porn, please make these networks about more than just sex. Sex and the City is a sexy show, but what makes it work is the great characters and human situations. Six Feet Under is an even better show, and it’s hardly about sex at all.
Finally, please give lesbians and non-whites truly equal time. No, their marketing demographics may not be as great as the white gay male one. But some things are more important than money, like fairness and decency.

Oh, and one more thing. If you want any shows set in the American west, or featuring gay teens, give us a call. Michael’s novels are all about the gay frontier, and Brent’s novel Geography Club is just begging for a small-screen adaptation. Besides, we’re both used to working for sub-standard wages.

Gay television programming is here at last, its potential is exciting and scary, and it’s an important part of the Big Gay Picture.

Two Cheap Bastards are Brent Hartinger and Michael Jensen, partners since 1992. Brent is the author of the gay teen novel, Geography Club, and its sequel, The Order of the Poison Oak (brenthartinger.com). Michael Jensen is the author of the gay historical novels Frontiers and Firelands (michaeljensen.com).

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