If you want to see it, you best hurry because with reviews like this, methinks it won’t be around long.

Survivor: Guatemala also aired last night, gay Mormon Ivy League grad and wilderness guide included. Other upcoming reality shows with gay contestants include The Apprentice Martha Stewart (well, duh!), debuting September 21st, as well as The Apprentice (with what's-his-face) on the September 22nd. Bravo debuts Great Things About Being...on October 3rd, and one of the episodes is about being gay.

Other network shows include Twins, starring Sara Gilbert, which premieres tonight on the WB and features Christopher Fitzgerald as a "flamboyantly gay technician" —whatever that means. Kitchen Confidential, which sounds like a reality show but isn’t, premieres September 19th and includes a character that is a bitchy gay waiter; in other words, a waiter. That same night, UPN gives us Half and Half with Alec Mapa appearing as a self-centered, gossipy secretary.

Much to everyone’s great surprise, ABC decided to pick up a second season of Desperate Housewives. The new season premieres September 25th, with very little fanfare expected.

As you can see given all these flamboyant, bitchy characters, network television is really going all out to debunk those gay stereotypes. To see more fully developed characters this week, you’ll have to check out FX’s no-holds-barred Nip/Tuck which has added Bruno Campos as bisexual surgeon Quentin Costa. Given Nip/Tuck’s daring track-record thus far, we are rather curious to see what happens with the hunky Dr. Costa. Check out the season premiere on September 20th.

SO IT’S A PARODY, HUH?
Pity poor Alan Cumming, or at least the Cumming who was the teenage boy that grew up saddled with such a mock-able name. It seems Alan is making lemonade out of lemons, or at least money out of mockery. So he tells the Village Voice in an article about his new fragrance, Cumming. Alan and fragrance director, Jason Schell, thought Cumming (the cologne) would be a great way to parody the egotism of all those celebrity colognes that pop up like, well, celebrities with reality shows. But I’m not sure Alan quite gets the idea of parody, given that Cumming (the cologne) is being touted with all seriousness as a “fragrance with top notes of bergamot, black pepper, scotch pine, whiskey; core notes of cigar, heather, Douglas fir, rubber; base notes of leather, highland mud, peat fire, and white truffle” and that is a “beyond gender perfume”. In that case, why not call it Hermaphrodite? Nor does their commercial help matters any. After watching it, all I could think was “Cumming? No, thanks, Alan. I’ve got to be going.”

If you want to see a true parody of the celeb cologne business, then check out this. As for me, I'm feeling so Mary-Kate right now.

WHO SAYS GAY BOYS CAN’T HIT HARD?
Michelangelo Signorile certainly proves otherwise in his recently released collection of essays, Hitting Hard: Michelangelo Signorile on George W. Bush, Mary, Cheney, Tom Cruise, the Christian Right, and Sexual Hypocrisy in America. Talk about biting off a mouthful! Fortunately, if anyone has the chops to take on so many topics, it’s Mr. Signorile. The man who took outing to the mainstream hasn’t lost any of the fire that first brought him to our attention. Hypocrisy seems to drive Mike especially crazy. Witness his well-deserved vitriol for Mary Cheney’s prostituting of herself to elect her father. But Mike hasn’t lost his sense of humor either. When asked who is worse for gays, Pope John Paul or Pope Benedict, Mike says, “Ideologically, they really are one in the same. But with his (Benedict's) scary looks—as someone said, white is just not his color—Benedict actually frightens children.” And rational grown-ups, and Doberman pinschers, and Nazi skinheads....

PERHAPS “FAN” ISN’T THE RIGHT WORD
Art-punk band, Gay For Johnny Depp band member, Marty Leopard, recently got attacked by a “fan” while on tour. The band, currently in the UK, was playing at an Exeter club when the “fan” took exception to the band’s pro-gay love stand. Said “fan” expressed his displeasure with a pro-violence use of his fists resulting in stitches for Marty. Hopefully, the “fan” will soon be called a “convicted criminal” and “my bitch” by his cell mate. Gay For Johnny Depp’s new mini-album, Blood: The Natural Lubricant (An Apocalyptic Adventure Beyond Sodom and Gomorrah) hits stores Monday. Gee, suddenly Cumming doesn’t seem so distasteful after all.

HE’S CLOSE TO HIS MOM, HE CAN CRY ON AIR...OF COURSE HE’S GAY
New York Magazine’s Jonathan Van Meter has a long article on CNN’s Anderson Cooper in this week’s edition. Anderson, whose profile rose sharply with his sometimes emotional coverage of Hurricane Katrina, again dodges the is-he-or-isn’t-he-gay? question. Says Anderson, “The whole thing about being a reporter is that you’re supposed to be an observer and to be able to adapt with any group you’re in, and I don’t want to do anything that threatens that.”

Like most things, there are two sides to the issue. Being African-American hasn’t kept Suzanne Malveaux from reporting on issues related to race, but then racism isn’t nearly as blatant today as is homophobia. And being a bigoted blowhard hasn’t kept Bill O’Reilly from pontificating on everything under the sun. Still, it’s hard not to sympathize with Anderson’s position, especially since he has aggressively confronted homophobes such as Jerry Falwell. Even so, I think it would be good for Anderson, and even better for the rest of us, if such an up-and-coming newsperson came out and showed America that gay men on television can be something other than bitchy waiters, gossipy secretaries, or flamboyant technicians.

That's it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Gay. Week. Ever., or read previous installments here.