If God really wanted to punish gay people wouldn’t He (or She) have waited until the French Quarter was packed with frolicking homos before unleashing His awesome wrath? And was it really necessary to destroy Gulfport and Biloxi too to get back at us? Just asking.

Alas, Repent America isn’t the only “Christian” group showing their ignorance. Postings on Operation Rescue spout such nonsense as well. None of this should come as any surprise. Rightwingnut "Christians" have a long record of such stupidity. Pat Robertson thinks he can pray hurricanes away, and Jerry Falwell threatened Orlando and Disney World with one for allowing Gay Days to take place. Oh, and remember how God removed his protective veil over America on 9/11 to punish us for our wanton ways?

Just so we're clear on this, we're not talking about crazy street corner prophets or nutty old men living as hermits in Alaska. We're talking about crazy television prophets and nutty old men who routinely visit the White House. These people say "Jump" and Bush asks, "How high?" and then jumps as high as Karl Rove, his top adviser, tells him to. These men (and some unbelievably foolish women) have real power. They keep reproductive drugs from being approved, force GLBT books off shelves, and pass laws keeping us from having any acknowledgment of our relationships. And now they want to blame us for the worst disaster in US history. Gee, thanks.

As always, we rise above it. Word has it that attendees of Southern Decadence are going to donate what they would have spent in New Orleans to the Red Cross. There we go again destroying the family. In addition, Ellen Degeneres, who hails from New Orleans, says her her eighty two-year old aunt lost everything. But Ellen isn’t blaming anyone. Instead, reports are that she’s talking with the networks about hosting a telethon to raise money for the victims of the hurricane. If Ellen hosts, I’m sure God will send an earthquake to punish the networks for allowing such deviancy.

MAYBE SEATTLE IS NEXT
Like New Orleans, Seattle is another notoriously queer-friendly city, as well as the home of coffee king, Starbucks. The two topics recently converged when Starbucks launched their “The Way I See It” campaign that features quotes on coffee cups from notable folks designed to spark coffee-table conversations. Concerned Women for America (or Crack Whores on Acid, as I like to think of them) is all up in arms because one of the quotes is from Tales of the City author, Armistead Maupin. Maupin’s quote? “My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don’t make that mistake yourself. Life’s too damn short.”

Goodness! Enough to give one the vapors, isn’t it? He practically came out and said "Let's recruit children and have sex in the streets and make everyone watch Dynasty reruns." Lest you think Starbucks' coffee cups feature quotes from nothing but liberal loonies, other quotes include rightwing columnist Michael Medved and Jonah Goldberg, editor of National Review Online. Perhaps the ladies of CWA would prefer a quote from the notorious Reverend Fred Phelps. How about Rev. Phelps' ubiquitous sign, “GOD HATES FAGS”. Nah, too understated. Maybe in punishment for giving rise to Starbucks, God will send Seattle a lot of rain and a crappy football team. Oh, wait, we already have those.

LET’S CUT HIM SOME SLACK, SHALL WE?
TVGuide.com reports that General Hospital star Ryan Carnes will leave the soap opera as of September 21. Scuttlebutt has it that Carnes quit when writers decided that his character, Lucas Jones, would be coming out. Reps for the star claim that wasn’t the issue and that Carnes is simply too busy to stick with the show. "Ryan is probably the last one who'd have a problem playing a gay character," says the actor’s rep. That may be, but I wouldn’t blame Ryan for worrying about typecasting. Ryan’s greatest claim to fame to date is playing Justin, the gardener caught naked in the pool with Bree Van de Kamp’s messed up son, Andrew, on Desperate Housewives. Ryan also starred in Eating Out where he not only played gay, but did full frontal nudity and had an explicit scene with another man. But then again, what Hollywood actor hasn't willingly done that, right? I think it’s safe to say the Mr. Carnes is not the problem when it comes to actors willing to play gay.

NOW THIS IS THE PROBLEM
GLAAD reports that GLBT representation on network television is woefully lacking. What will they learn next? There are no ugly people on television either? Next season there are a grand total of sixteen GLBT characters on network television. That means GLBT characters make up a mere 2% of all network roles. It’s even worse for minority GLBT characters. Of those sixteen GLBT characters, thirteen are white. One is African American, one Latino, and one Asian Pacific Islander. That looks like America all right--assuming you live in North Dakota and all of your relatives are named Olsen. For the record, it's bad for lesbians too; only three of the GLBT characters are female. And there are no transgendered characters at all.

Cable television is much more inclusive, with twenty-five recurring roles. Even better, the portrayals on cable go beyond the minor, supporting roles that are usually the lot for gay characters on network television (think Bill Brochtrup on NYPD Blue). Then there are the characters on HBO’s new show, Rome. They don’t necessarily identify as gay, but same-sex relationships are acknowledged as a fact of Roman life. Let’s hope the networks eventually acknowledge the fact that we're more than 2% of American life.

HOW TO HELP
Despite what some of the above-mentioned folks believe, American is stronger when all of us work together. When one of us is hurt or in danger, we're all hurt or in danger. To help the survivors of Hurricane Katrina, check out redcross.org.

Now I’ll shut up so you can lend a helping hand!