Born in the suburbs of Colorado, out in my 20's, worked as a flight attendant for sixteen years (the stories I could tell!), in a long-term relationship for fourteen, and now a novelist, blogger and editor. The highs! The lows! People, you wouldn't believe the things that can happen while sitting at your keyboard. Come on, Brad, doesn't my life just scream Oscar gold?

HEY, IT WORKED FOR CHARLIZE THERON
Hunky Jared Leto (My So-Called Life) isn't playing gay to get an Oscar, but he did gain fifty pounds of fat. The current issue of People Magazine has before and after photos of Jared who is playing John Lennon 's killer, Mark David Chapman. For those who don't know, let's just say Chapman isn't the sort who looks good in a speedo. Originally, Jared was going to wear a fatsuit to play Chapman, but then he decided actual pudge would help him better understand the mind of a homicidal maniac. Let me say that as a former chubby person, I'm not exactly sure of the connection here, but hey, an actor's gotta do what an actor's gotta do!

Except Jake Gyllenhaal, of course. Jake, I don't care if you do lose the Best Supporting Oscar on March 5th. Don't you go gaining any fifty pounds. That would be like scribbling on the Mona Lisa.

EVERYBODY KNOW ACTORS ARE AIRHEADS ANYWAY
Brokeback Mountain went 0-4 at the Screen Actor's Guild on Sunday night. Heath lost to Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) again. Michelle Williams lost to Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener) again. At least Jake Gyllenhaal's loss to Paul Giamatti (Cinderella Man) was his first. Last but not least, there was Crash's upset win over Brokeback for the ensemble acting award. Even I can't quibble too much with that last one. I liked Crash, and if there was ever an ensemble movie, this was it.

Jake and Heath looked adorable introducing Brokeback, but Heath was, well, a little off. Everybody's talking about that hand on the hip thing he was doing. I say cut him some slack. If I had the whole world watching my every move, you'd catch me doing some goofy things too.

EIGHT TO SIX—TAKE THAT CRASH
In case you missed it, Tuesday brought us the Academy Award nominations. Brokeback garnered eight nods, the only notable nomination it lacked being the one for editing. Crash landed six nominations positioning it as Brokeback's only real rival for Best Picture. Clearly, that huge ensemble cast was out lobbying—and by lobbying, I mean sleeping with—Academy voters. Well, forget it Crash—you don't have a prayer. For a more thorough and less obsessive analysis of the nominations pop over here. Other noms include Phillip Seymour up for Best Actor and Felicty Huffman for Transamerica. Given that Felicity is an old, haggard crone over the age of forty who could act circles around fellow nominee Reese Witherspoon, she probably doesn't have a chance against her younger, wrinkle-free fellow thespian.

Oddsmakers place Brokeback as the clear favorite. Wynn's Casino in Las Vegas gives the gay cowboys 3-5 odds of winning best pic while Sportsbook.com makes it a 1-10 favorite. Ang Lee is even more of a sure thing at 1-12 and Phillip Seymour Hoffman clocks in at 1-6 to take Best Actor. Most oddsmakers put Heath Ledger as the clear second in that race. Finally, the odds of Jake Gyllenhaal realizing he is actually gay and that I'm the one for him are put...oh, never mind.

Here is my fun Brokeback fact of the week: Web monitoring firm Hitwise reports that Brokeback Mountain had 57 times more searches for it than did runner-up Crash. But when you take away searches done by the folks over at DaveCullen.com, there were
only 5 times as many Brokeback Mountain searches. Not that I'm saying Dave and his Brokeback Maniacs are obsessed or anything.

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