Speaking of exploitation of women, the latest issue of Vanity Fair features buck-naked actresses Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley posing with the fully dressed and openly gay fashion guru Tom Ford. What the f*^# is up with that? Is Tom too good to get nekkid with Scarlett and Keira? And if Vanity Fair is really interested in featuring the hottest young Hollywood celebs, how come Tom isn't posed with a naked Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger? Come on people! It's 2006, for crying out loud. Is there no justice in this world?

LIKE WE DON'T KNOW HALF OF THEM ARE GAY ANYWAY
Friday brings us the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics taking place at Turin, Italy. Let me say loud and clear how tired I am of there being almost no openly gay athletes. And there is one group with whom I'm especially annoyed. Come on you, ice skate-wearing ‘mos! Everybody knows you'd rather watch Brokeback Mountain than Big Momma's House 2. What with the way you glide around out there on the ice, twisting this way and that. Straight boys just don't move that way. And those outfits you're wearing? Fellows, it's no secret how you like to use your sticks. Damn you closeted hockey players!

As for who to actually watch compete, forget all the hoopla over big-mouthed skier
Bode Miller and check out speed skating's Chad Hedrick. Here is a guy who knows how
to work it.

LIKE A MAN WEARING A DRESS ONSCREEN IS SO “UNIQUE”
FOX News reports that Tony Curtis was none too happy to see Brokeback Mountain net eight Academy Award nominations. The eighty-year old star of Some Like It Hot claims there is nothing unique about a love story set in 1963 between two young men herding sheep in Wyoming. He's right, of course. Just how many times have we seen that story already? When asked what his favorite movie from 2005 was, Curtis replied, “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” Then Curtis complained his Depends smelled “funny” and asked when the now deceased Jack Lemmon was coming over for dinner.

As long as we happen to be talking about Brokeback Mountain ....(What? You really thought I'd have no Brokeback news? That's like thinking Bush's State of the Union address would have nothing about tax cuts!)

Anywho, it looks like Brokeback's eight Oscar nods didn't give it quite the bounce at the box office as expected. It did take in a healthy six million dollars over the weekend, but that was actually down half a million from the previous weekend and substantially less than the $8 million it was expected to score. Perhaps the SuperBore had something to do with it. Nonetheless, Brokeback has done well all week averaging nearly $600,000 a day and staying number two or three at the box office. It also passed the $60 million mark in total domestic box office.

Brokeback did manage to nab several more awards. The London Film Critics named it Best Picture and selected Ang Lee as Best Director. In addition, Brokeback won the Writer's Guild Award for Best Adapted Screenplay.

I don't know where this originally came from, but I guarantee it will make you laugh out loud. Finally, guess who Brokeback Mountain's least likely fan has to be so far? Howard Stern. That's right—the shock jock loved the movie and found it “incredibly moving.” I'm no fan of Howard, but this vaults him way far ahead of homophobe, Don Imus.

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