Don’t
worry. I’m not leaving you, but just so you
know, for now on I do this for me—not you.
FOR $13.54, I PURCHASED
A BASEBALL CAP WORN BY ANNE HATHAWAY’S GAY
BROTHER
By now, the whole world knows that Jack and Ennis’
intertwined shirts were auctioned off to raise money
for a children’s charity. The winner, Tom
Gregory, spent $100,000 to buy what he calls “The
ruby slippers of our time.” Makes me wonder
how much Jack and Ennis’ pup tent would fetch.
While
Brokeback
Mountain might not make $100 million domestically
(currently coming in at $72 million), it has now
made $111 million dollars worldwide. The Brits loved
the movie to the tune of giving it four BAFTA’s,
including a surprise win for Jake Gyllenhaal. FYI,
Heath and Jake aren’t dissin’ each other,
despite what you may have read earlier in the week.
There were reports circulating that Heath had said
Clooney deserved the Oscar more than Jake did. Lies,
damn lies! Seriously. Heath never said it. I suspect
Philip Seymour Hoffman is behind the vicious rumors.
That guy will do anything to beat Heath for Best
Actor. For the record, I have reliable reports that
Hoffman was seen last week in Canada clubbing baby
seals. Did I mention that he kicks homeless people,
too?
KOREANS LOVE GAY MOVIES,
TOO!
A gay-themed movie has rocketed to the top of Korea’s
box office. The movie, King and the Clown
(I know! I thought it was about Cheney and Bush,
too!), has become the third most popular movie ever
in Korea. This is significant as Korea hasn’t
exactly been a Will and Grace kind of place.
But Korean attitudes toward homosexuality are changing.
Heck, even South Korean President Roh moo-hyun has
seen King and the Clown. Meanwhile, our
own clo-, I mean, president would sooner let Cheney
shoot him in the face than see Brokeback Mountain.
NOT TO TOOT OUR OWN HORN
But a story AfterElton.com originally reported on—DaveCullen’s
Ultimate Brokeback—has now hit the mainstream
media. A paper in New Jersey wrote about the self-anointed
“Brokeaholics” and their Brokeback
Mountain obsession. Now that story is set to
run in another 100 papers this weekend just in time
for the Oscars. No need to write in and compliment
us on our dazzling foresight. We already know what
you’re thinking.
AND THEN THERE WERE NONE
This week Crumbs
joined Emily’s
Reasons Why Not, The
Book of Daniel, and Love Monkey on
the big network in the sky. I am seriously bummed
by this. While Crumbs wasn’t groundbreaking
television, Fred Savage’s portrayal of the
gay Mitch was about as good as anything as we’ve
had on network television for quite some time. Unlike
Love Monkey and Emily, both of
which tanked and stank, or the controversial The
Book of Daniel, which just tanked, Crumbs
fared all right in the ratings. That makes its cancellation
that much more frustrating.
On
the plus side, LOGO has picked up Noah’s
Arc for a second season. And hold on—my
hunky intern, J. Gyllenhaal, just dashed into my
office with a press release that UPN is in negotiation
to buy...Love Monkey. Ugh, the one show
with the weakest gay story line.
One of the shows potentially replacing
Crumbs is—I kid you not—American
Inventor, yet another reality show, this time
courtesy of Simon Cowell. Clearly, the universe
is out to get me since I really wanted Crumbs
to succeed. My therapist insists that’s not
possible since some guy named Copernicus proved
the universe doesn’t revolve around me.
So—can
anyone recommend a good therapist?
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