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Best. Gay. Week. Ever.
by Michael Jensen

A weekly column highlighting news about gay and bisexual men in pop culture.

Friday, March 3, 2006 (page 2)
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FOR ALL OUR SAKES, I URGE SELF-RESTRAINT
Brokeback Mountain's likely win for Best Picture has me a bit concerned. Typically, a win as huge as this can set off celebrations that turn into riots ala the Chicago Bulls and Detroit Pistons some years ago. I do not want to see television footage on CNN of hordes of drunken gay men smashing windows in West Hollywood and overturning cars in Chelsea. Yes, we can celebrate, but let's do it responsibly. Clap, cry, and hug each other. That's what Jake and I have planned.

Oh, and if Brokeback loses, feel free to burn down the whole frigging country.

TALK ABOUT DREAMCASTING
I had the best dream last night. George Clooney, Jake and Heath were--oh, sorry. Wrong story! What I meant to say is Carol Burnett is set to play Bree Van De Kamp's tightly wound stepmother on Desperate Housewives. Right now the gig is only for one episode (set to air April 9th), but if DH exec producer Marc Cherry knows what's good for him, he'll bring Carol back. Carol, by the way, asked that her character be a bit meaner than originally written. Because Bree just hasn't had it hard enough already. I can't wait to see what happens when Carol figures out grandson Andrew is rooting for Brokeback Mountain on Sunday night.

Speaking of Andrew, Cherry recently revealed what a sneaky little bugger he is. Turns out, he planned for Andrew to be gay all along, but he didn't tell ABC that until Desperate Housewives was already a ratings smash. At that point, ABC was so desperate for a hit they would have let Cherry turn Andrew into a talking boiled egg that penned 16th century English sonnets if that's what it took to keep Cherry happy. Remind me never to play poker with the man.

THOSE PICS ARE NOT OF PLAYGIRL'S KEVIN TALLEY ! YOU THINK I'M BLIND?
For the past two weeks I've requested--okay, begged--my readers to send me the photos from Kevin Talley's Playgirl spread last year. Imagine my joy, er, professional curiosity when I received an email with Kevin Talley in the subject line. Hmmm, unless I've missed something, Playgirl is not running pics of pudgy, middle-aged men posing in front of their webcams. And, no, I won't meet you for drinks. Or anything else. Now go away.

I'D LIKE TO WHAM HIM ALRIGHT
And I don't mean that in a double-entendre sort of way. Last week we had Boy George yammering on about how much he hates gay marriage, blah, blah, blah. This week we get George Michael getting his sorry self busted in London for possession of class C narcotics. Apparently, the boot of his car was filled with sex toys and gay porn, too. Hey, at least he wasn't busted for soliciting an undercover cop in a men's room.

I don't mean to be critical of the has-been pop star, but if he's going to blab to the press about his upcoming nuptials with boyfriend Kenny Goss, could he please keep his act together--or at least private? We're having a hard enough time winning our rights without stupid antics like this.

Yes, there is a double-standard for gay men. That's life. Get over it!

HEY, HE CAN BE OUR GAY BRIT POP ROLE MODEL
Westlife singer Mark Feehily says he's happy to be a gay role model. But the out-and-proud pop star is worried he'll say the wrong thing and embarrass the gay community. Don't sweat it, Mark. With Boy George and George Michael as your competition, you'd have to run over Bush-crony Tony Blair in a fit of drunken rage to get bad press. Although, come to think of it, that might actually make you more popular.

NEW ON DVD
First, I want to vent for a moment. What is with these video companies announcing the “release” of new DVD's that, in fact, are not going to be released for weeks or sometimes months? Case in point, Amazon is trumpeting the release of the final season of Six Feet Under. Great news! I've really wanted to see that! But wait a minute--it's not out until the end of the month. Nonetheless, Amazon is happy to take my money now. How thoughtful!

Truly out this week on DVD is Boy's Life 5. And, um, last week I forgot to mention Rent is now available. Upcoming releases include Capote--sometime in 2006.

Finally, I want to offer you all the chance to pre-order upcoming releases of my next works. I'm currently writing another historical novel, as well as a comic gay romance that I'm “releasing” now! Just send me cash and I'll be sure to get you a copy when I'm done. Whenever the hell that might be. Hey, it works for Amazon!

Now I'll shut up so you can have the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER!

That's it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Gay. Week. Ever., or read previous installments here.

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