Come on, for crying out-loud! Freddie, not exactly a ratings smash, gives us exactly nothing that we haven't seen a thousand times before. It's not the worse piece of dreck to ever air (that honor belongs to pick your FOX show), but ground-breaking television it ain't. And while Crumbs wasn't going to win a wheelbarrow full of Emmys, it was a whole lot better than Freddie. It's so clear straight men rule the world.

SOMEBODY BETTER KEEP THE KNIVES AWAY FROM THESE TWO
If you're one of those unfortunate souls still going through Project Runway withdrawals—get a life, er, I mean, take heart. From PR's makers comes Top Chef, which debuted Wednesday night. The show features a gay man, David Martin, and Tiffani Faison, a bisexual woman. Sounds like the two didn't bond over the whole queer thing. David recently told a reporter that his style didn't really mesh with Tiffani's, who likes to yell and be verbally abusive, while David prefers a more “adult” approach. Yeowch. If I were David, I wouldn't eat any special dishes prepared just for him by Tiffani. You know, one of those Kathleen Turner in The War of the Roses kinda dishes. Woof!

If Top Chef is just too been-there-done-that for your taste, you can always count on FOX to debase things even further. Hence, Unan1mous (what idiot thought up that title?), which places nine nut-jobs in a bunker where they have to decide who most deserves $1.5 million dollars. One of the contestants includes a “gay activist” named Jameson. Naturally, the show's creators have to pick people wired to hate each other so we get to see Jameson interact with a conservative minister and a young Republican. Personally, I'm going to be rooting for an asteroid to strike the bunker.

And if that still isn't sordid enough for you, VH1's Surreal Life has again risen from the dead. (Where is Buffy when you need her?) This 1,434 th edition of the show (or does it only feel like there have been that many?) features Sherman I-thought-he-was-dead Helmsley from The Jeffersons and Alexis Arquette, famous for...the hell if I know. I swear if I were on this show, I would so kill myself. Hell, just writing about it makes me want to choke down a bottle full of pills. Oh, and Florence I-thought-she-was–dead-too Henderson appears as den mother or shrink or something equally pathetic. I need a drink.

In better television news, Kim Cattrall is set to join Anthony Stewart Head in Elton John's Him and Us. Like that wasn't already the gayest new show of the year.

IT AIN'T BROKEBACK, BUT IT AIN'T BAD EITHER
Loggerheads hits DVD this week. An affecting tale of love and redemption, it reminded me quite a bit of a Robert Altman movie with a dash of Michael Cunnigham's The Hours thrown in. There is nothing flashy about it, but by the time you get to the end, you'll likely find yourself genuinely affected. Our own Robert Urban already wrote a terrific review.

Now I'll shut up so you can have the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER!

That's it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Gay. Week. Ever., or read previous installments here.

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