Most of the show's writers are men after all, and Lord knows straight men can't get enough of women who go bi for one or two episodes before returning to the flock. Because you know that's how bisexuality actually works.

If it actually should turn out to be a man, I'm guessing it will be a minor character who shows up every four or five episodes to show how tolerant and hip the show is. All I ask is that if by some miracle it does turn out to be one of the main characters, that they then not later be revealed as a depraved serial killer ala Bruno Campos over on Nip/Tuck. Bisexual man does not equal promiscuous, homicidal maniac.

THE GAYS OF OUR LIVES? AS THE GAYS TURN? ONE GAY TO LIVE?
We're now several months into the dueling gay plot lines of As the World Turns (Luke) and General Hospital (Lucas), so I thought it was time for a little review. AfterElton is actually going to have a longer, more thoughtful piece by one of our smart writers next week, but I thought I would make a few snarky comments now.

First off, I'm no soap opera fan. Life with Jake Gyllenhaal and all the ups and down of his superstardom is all the drama I need, thank you very much. But I've been pleasantly surprised by how well the gay storylines have been handled on the two soaps. Coming out hasn't been a snap for either of these gay teenagers, but neither are they self-hating losers. And both shows have bent over backward to make it absolutely clear that being gay is no big deal, that you should be proud, and not let anybody walk over you. I keep expecting Sally Field to leap up with that “Union Now!” sign from Norma Rae, except it now says “Gay is Good!”

Mind you, the real test is how the two characters will be integrated into their respective soaps down the road. We've already had two gay-bashings involving Lucas, while Luke wound up in bed with a woman (they were only pretending to have sex), so the writers better eventually give the characters actual romantic interests. If I wanted to watch eunuchs, I'd stick with HBO's Rome.

HMMM, I WONDER HOW MANY COPIES DAVE CULLEN SOLD?
I'm sure everyone remembers that Ennis and Jack's shirts from Brokeback Mountain sold for $100,000. Well, it turns out those aren't the only Brokeback items people are willing to shell out big bucks for. This week's Variety carried a full page ad paid for by the folks at Dave Cullen's Ultimate Brokeback praising Brokeback and all those involved with the movie. Some smart entrepreneurs realized that since Variety isn't exactly a national publication there might be a market in reselling copies of the magazine with the ad. Looks like they were right. The high bid on this currently stands at $202.50. Hell, I could've bought a plane ticket to Los Angeles and bought my own copy for less than that!

HOMOSEXUALS AS POLITICAL SCAPEGOATS? WHY THAT'S JUST CRAZY TALK!
V For Vendetta starring Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving and the openly gay Stephen Fry hits big screens today. In the flick, it's 2020 and, after destroying America, Karl Rove has apparently gone on SlimFast, adopted Madonna's accent, and migrated to England which he now rules in typical Orwellian fashion. Naturally gays and lesbians are blamed for all sorts of things, and it's up to Hugo Weaving and Stephen Fry to stand up for all that's good and right in the world. Of course, that storyline always has a happy ending for all involved. Check back on Monday for our analysis of the flick and its gay themes.

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