Even better is the lesbian storyline that appears halfway through the movie. It's not only moving in and of itself, but informs the entire rest of the movie. Gays and lesbians are used to seeing queerness used as cinematic shorthand for immorality, depravity and weakness. This time we represent all that's good in the world. No wonder some critics just don't get it.

WHAT IS THIS FINAL FOUR OF WHICH YOU SPEAK? I THOUGHT PROJECT RUNWAY WAS OVER
Outsports.com has proven there are plenty of gay men who love sports, but for those who hear the term Final Four and start going on about Project Runway, Michael is here to help you speak straight boy office talk so you're not feeling left out.

Here is what you need to know to impress the butchest of co-workers: First off, this time of year the Final Four refers to the NCAA basketball tournament, not a Bravo television show. The tournament has just entered the stage known as the Sweet Sixteen. This is not an opportunity for you to plan a party for your sister or niece. This refers to the sixteen teams remaining in the tournament after the forty-eight crappy ones have been eliminated. I will now help you decide who to bet on and cheer for. (After my pick wins the whole shebang, feel free to tell the guys you work with how you made your pick!)

To start, you want Gonzaga to lose. A bunch of their fans have been pretty homophobic chanting “Brokeback, Brokeback” at opposing teammates. Trust me—they don't mean it as a compliment. Plus, the school is just all around creepy homophobic. You're also rooting against Texas, LSU, and Wichita State, since they're in states that have passed constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage. While Boston College is in ‘mo friendly Massachusetts and isn't as homophobic as in years past, you still don't want to pull for them. Forget about Duke, Florida, West Virginia, and Memphis.

None of them will be topping anybody's list of Top Ten Colleges For Gay Students any time soon. For a Catholic university, Georgetown isn't bad, but given all the crap the Catholics have dumped on us lately you still don't want to pull for them. Same goes for Villanova.

So that leaves UCLA, Washington, Connecticut , Bradley, and George Mason. Forget Washington. Yes, they play in Seattle which is deep blue politically. But they wear really ugly purple uniforms no self-respecting gay guy would be caught dead in. Bradley is in New Jersey, which is really pro-gay, but come on—it's still New Jersey. Cross'em off! George Mason isn't a college—it's a dentist's name. Drop'em. That leaves UCLA vs Connecticut. UCLA is in Southern California with loads of hot surfer boys. Unfortunately, none of them are playing for the basketball team. Connecticut isn't exactly loaded in the looks department either. So the final nod goes to Connecticut which has a better civil unions law than California.

No need to thank me for helping you look butch around the office water cooler! Just one of the many services we provide here at AfterElton. Strawberry daiquiri anyone?

THIS WEEK ON DVD
Capote, Blackmail Boy, and The Dying Gaul all came out this week. Since folks weren't too happy with how Gaul ended, the DVD has not one, but two alternative endings. How cool is that? No, Brokeback Mountain, which comes out April 4th,will not have any alternative endings. I've asked Jake over and over, but he says you'll just have to stand it the way it is.

NOW I'LL SHUT UP SO YOU CAN HAVE THE BEST GAY WEEK EVER!

That's it for this week! Check back next Friday for a new installment of Best. Gay. Week. Ever., or read previous installments here.

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