At least I got a nice morphine shot out of it and spent the rest of the day floating along in happy little haze where not even homophobic wingnuts could annoy me. Alas, when I went to write the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER, the keyboard insisted on dancing with the computer speakers, and I couldn't get them to settle down long enough to write a word. Well, the morphine has worn off and I can see clearly now, so here goes....

WITH A NAME LIKE WOODY, HE HAD TO PLAY GAY EVENTUALLY
It looks like Woody Harrelson has beat Brad Pitt to the I-Played-Gay-Club. Harrelson signed on to play the title role in The Walker, a flick about a fifty-something fellow who serves as a social escort to society ladies lacking for male companionship. Since the odds are slim to none of finding an unmarried straight man over the age of forty whose waist size is smaller than his age, who knows how to dance, and can dress himself, Woody's character is a gay guy with a boyfriend. Otherwise, the movie would be a fantasy.

AND HERE I WAS HOPING FOR A REPEAT OF MELROSE PLACE'S BOMB FINALE (WARNING: PLOT SPOILERS)
I'm sorry to say that not even a injection of morphine was powerful enough to make Thursday night's episode of Will and Grace funny. Is there that much morphine in a single hospital? At least Britney's screen time was kept to a minimum, or is that the drugs talking? Despite the show's unending horridness, there are some people dying to know what the show's final episode will be like. AskAusiello reports that it will include a flash-forward where we learn what life will look like if Will and Grace continue on their current paths. I was hoping for both being paralyzed from the neck down and having to watch endless reruns of their own show. Instead, the writers foresee Grace getting fat, Will going bald, and Grace's son turning to be a homophobic delinquent. What imagination! Who would have guessed that wild ending! I like my idea better. If you want even more W&G spoilers visit Mr. Nightlife's Hollywood.

COULD IT BE THE NEW SHOWGIRLS?
Fourteen years after she gave us the flash seen around the world, Sharon Stone is back in Basic Instinct 2. Unlike its predecessor, which GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) used to vault itself to national prominence, it's doubtful BI2 will launch many protests--except perhaps from enraged film critics furious they had to sit through what sounds like complete dreck. Of course, one critic's dreck is another gay man's camp classic. Yes, just like the gay community embraced Showgirl's awfulness and spun it into cinematic gold, I have a feeling gay bars might be soon be parodying La Stone's latest performance. To her credit, it sounds like Sharon knows the movie is camp and acts the part accordingly, stalking the scenes like a cat in heat. It also sounds like the years, and the surgeons, have been kind to the forty-eight year old starlet.

AND SPEAKING OF GLAAD
Last Monday night in New York, GLAAD handed out the first of its media awards for 2005. Reports have it that when they announced Best Movie, you could cut the tension with a knife. The unasked question hanging over everyone's heads was whether there would be a second upset of Brokeback Mountain. Jake tells me a very worried Ang had chewed his fingernails down to the nub and Anne Hathaway kept bursting into hysterical tears until Michelle Williams finally slapped her. When Brokeback was at last named the winner, Heath leapt to his feet shouting “Take that Trash—I mean, Crash! Take that!” Later the whole Brokeback gang got drunk and heckled Tony Curtis while he got a lapdance.

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