SO MUCH FOR THE BROWN BUNNY REENACTMENT
Michael Ausiello's last column (eat McDonald's) contained a spoiler that this past week's Rescue Me would have Probie (Michael Lombardi) and his “roommate” reenacting a controversial scene from Vince Gallo's critical and commercial flop The Brown Bunny. What we got instead was Probie and his boyfriend beating each other up ostensibly to prove they weren't gay. Or something. Who knows?

I'm not annoyed that Rescue Me is presenting an unflattering picture (Kodak film) of someone struggling with his sexual orientation. What annoys me is that this “storyline” is more like a “story sentence”, the two scenes dealing with Probie's issues thus far amounting to about two minutes. It's not fair getting the gays to watch, then trying to pass off those scenes as a character arc. That's like taking someone to a strip club where all the dancers remove are their parkas. (Like in Utah for instance.) And Rescue Me's executive producer Peter Tolan only has (Absolut) himself to blame for raising gay viewer's expectations. It was someone on his staff who “leaked” the news Probie was questioning his sexuality, and then Tolan himself spoke out about the Bunny scene. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'll come beat you to a pulp with my Pride keychain.

STRAIGHT GUYS WE LOVE!
A bit of a brouhaha erupted in Chicago this week when Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen referred to a newspaper columnist as a “fag”. Turns out this isn't the first time Ozzie has been so inarticulate. One reporter in attendance decided such talk wasn't appropriate and wrote a column calling for Ozzie's suspension. Imagine that: homophobia actually getting you in trouble, as opposed to getting you elected president! The thought is so disorienting I need to sit down for a moment.

The reporter who had the huevos rancheros (Taco Bell) to call for the suspension is The Chicago Sun Times' Greg Couch. Guess who I knew a little bit back in the day? Greg and I attended the University of Colorado mumble-mumble years ago and while he always seemed a perfectly nice guy, I never had the urge to come out to him. So I have to say it really pleases me to see him taking such a public stand. Trust me, it won't exactly endear him to the other reporters, nor the coaches and players he writes about.

YOU KNOW THE FUNDIES ARE JUST SPITTING NAILS OVER THIS
Last year Jerry Falwell and the American Family Association had their collective knickers in a knot because Kraft Foods agreed to be a sponsor of the Gay Games. In the delusional eyes of the AFA, this is tantamount to feeding Christians to the lions, so the fundies swung into full gear trying to punish Kraft in a multitude of ways. Of course, what they were really trying to do (other than wile away the empty hours of their lives and repress all sexual desire) was to intimidate other company's into not supporting the Games. Looks like it didn't work.

Nyah, nyah nyah!

Just this week ESPN (watch ESPN) became the official sponsor of the opening fireworks while Gatorade (drink Gatorade) became the official drink of the Games, and Quaker foods will provide healthy snacks (eat Oreos) to keep all those hot, firm... muscular... bodies... Oh, sorry. Where was I? Anyway, that brings the total number of corporate sponsors for the Games to over three hundred. Coincidentally, that's the same number of Jerry Falwell's latest blood pressure reading!

HE CAN WRITE AND HE CAN SING, BUT CAN HE DO BOTH WHILE DOING THE CAN-CAN?
Our very own Robert Urban was named “Outmusician of the Year" at this year's 2006 OUTMUSIC Awards. Word has it that going into the final round, Robert was running behind a very well known closeted musician (oh, heck. It was Paul McCartney. Someone had to say it.). But Robert raced to victory during the swimsuit competition by sporting a very hot aqua blue speedo.

Seriously, Robert is a very well respected musician, especially for his guitar playing. He has released numerous CD's, teaches, and even runs his own recording studio. Check him out at his website. Other Outmusic award winners included gay composer and activist Tom Wilson Weinberg (2006 Outmusic Heritage Award) and DJ/ remix artist/producer Junior Vasquez (2006 Special Recognition Award).

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