The CGI snakes in Snakes on a Plane look nothing whatsoever like real snakes. Computer-generated imagery in movies has improved considerably since the unintentionally hilarious snake in 1997's Anaconda, but it's still got a long way to go.

But in Snakes on a Plane, the fake-looking snakes fit right in, because nothing else about this movie even comes close to approximating reality anyway. The villain manages to smuggle a huge crate of poisonous snakes onto a tightly-secured plane and no one notices? Someone else is able to land the plane after the pilots bite it because he's played a lot of X-Box?

None of this matters, though, because Snakes on a Plane doesn't pretend to be anything other than an old-fashioned B-movie. But let's be clear: this is not a movie with actual characters, or motivations, or clever plot twists. The movie has absolutely nothing to say about our primal fear of snakes, or about the human condition or, really, anything at all. This makes other B-movies, like Speed or Deep Blue Sea or Arachnophobia, look like cinematic masterpieces.

To its credit, there's something kind of refreshing about a movie that's so straightforward, not laced with irony, or references to other horror movies. In fact, if it weren't for the presence of Samuel L. Jackson and Bobby Cannavale in the cast, this movie would fit right in as an original movie on the Sci Fi Channel.

So what does the movie have going for it? A gay character (more on that later). A fair number of snake-as-penis jokes. And a story so simple that it is literally all described in the title of the movie. Snakes on a plane? Yup, that's pretty much it.

In other words, the synopsis is the title, and vice-versa. For months now, internet gurus have been chattering about how inordinately clever this is. And maybe it really does say something about the zeitgeist – about how we're all so busy these days, with so many things trying to grab our attention, that we now need our movie titles and movie concepts to be completely self-explanatory.

The movie has one more thing going for it: a gay flight attendant named Ken (played by Bruce James). On one hand, he's pretty stereotypical – a perfectly manicured pretty boy who's terrible at sports and who can immediately identify that a snake is colored “teal.” On the other hand, he's pretty involved in the action, as heroic as the rest of the ill-fated cast, even while giving his reptile-battling a slightly queer twist – zapping one snake in the microwave, for example.

He's comic relief, but for the most part he's in on the joke. He's the object of a “shocking” plot twist at the end of the movie, something the studio has been pushing. I won't reveal the twist, and it's true that some people might find it offensive. But I found it harmless and amusing. And since the studio did no press screenings (usually a bad sign), I saw the movie with a paying audience, a group of folks who I can attest seemed to enjoy this “gay” twist. But let's be clear about this too: the gay character is an incidental one, and the sub-plot is a very minor.

Given all the hype that's preceded this movie, I suspect audiences will be disappointed. Snakes on a Plane won't slay you or get under your skin, and it's definitely not infectious. Frankly, this is a snake with not much bite.