15. Parting Glances (1986)

What? — Parting Glances is probably the film that a majority of gay men in their 30s will reference as their first exposure to a picture that reflected their desires, concerns and most importantly, identities. It plays out as a 24-hour slice-of-life in which Manhattan freelance editor Michael (Richard Ganoung) prepares for his boyfriend Robert's (John Bolger) next-day departure on a one-year job-related stint in Africa.

Michael is forced to re-evaluate his relationship with Robert — his Ken doll hubby — whose real motivation for leaving is to take a breather from their stagnant relationship. At the same time, Michael must contend with the insistent advances of a record store twink while caring for his HIV-positive ex-boyfriend Nick (Steve Buscemi). Michael is a genuinely sweet young man who goes against the queer grain, torn as he is between settling down and living the wild life.

Buscemi was justly hailed as a scene-stealer for his multifaceted rendering of Nick, a cynical punk artist coping with the death sentence that has been handed to him. Nick is a dignified character whose ability not to overdramatize potentially explosive situations or fall into the role of the pitiful victim elicits empathy and instant likability.

At a surprise party in honor of Robert's departure, straight and gay guests mingle in a way that breaks down sexual boundaries, a remarkable feat for a film released 20 years ago. To top it all off, gay stereotypes are dispelled as the only people on the prowl are a straight German couple, and the three main queers are vocal in their disdain for "poofy" outfits. Be on the lookout for a fabulous, understated, pre-Mimi (Drew Carey Show) Kathy Kinney as the soiree's delightful hostess.

Why? — Director Bill Sherwood's first and only film before dying from AIDS-related complications in 1990, Parting Glances became one of the first gay films to not offer up a coming-of-age or coming-out tale. The characters' concerns about their sexual orientations have already been dealt with, and the various queer characters portrayed don't beat themselves up over their gayness. As Peter recounts matter-of-factly to Nick about his own sexual awakening, ''Your dick knows what it likes.'' Period.

Parting Glances is a landmark gay film in that it treats its gay characters as full-fledged, normal human beings whose lives aren't that different from their straight counterparts. The only difference, of course, is that urban gay communities like the one presented in the film were severely hit by the AIDS epidemic, and the three main characters' ways of coping with this ever-present threat suggests what future might be in store for gay life (denial, acceptance or a hazy limbo zone in between). The free-spirited days of sexual exploration might be over, but the characters in Parting Glances haven't lost all hope. That positive attitude is, in and of itself, a revelation.

Given the film's heavy subject matter, it's a miracle the film isn't weighed down by melodrama or gloomy dialogue about death. The film is light years ahead of its time in its low-key portrayal of an HIV-positive character who doesn't become the predictable focus of the story.

It secured a second place standing on Alonso Duralde's list: ''Bill Sherwood's masterfully written and directed ensemble piece about being gay in New York City in the 1980s — and coping with the first flush of the AIDS pandemic — captured both a queer social whirl and same-sex one-on-one relationships with wit and honesty.''

Almost Made the Cut: Longtime Companion (Norman René, 1990)

An allusion to the term employed in 1980s newspaper obituaries to designate the surviving partner of a deceased gay man, this wrenching film's clever title isn't the only thing it has going for it. Longtime Companion's sharp script was championed by critics and gay men alike for its brutal honesty and historical accuracy in shedding light on the early days of the epidemic.

The film follows a close-knit ensemble of carefree, white, yuppie friends in the early '80s and chronicles how they cope with the rapid spread of the "gay cancer" via one-year leaps all the way to 1989. Longtime Companion pulls at your heartstrings but is far from sensationalistic or hopeless.

Director René's reticence in showing sexual intimacy and his characters' irreproachable conduct in the face of such adversity sometimes pushes the limits of believability and kills the potential for dramatic conflict. But the filmmaker's narrative concessions allowed the film to receive wide distribution, and actor Bruce Davison even received an Oscar nod for his standout performance.

Next - Hedwig and the Angry Inch

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