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AE: And it's not just the word that's funny, it's his delivery, the look on his face. Someone should publish an illustrated Paulie-to-English dictionary. Anyway, since Vito's outing, viewers have been treated to a slew of slang Italian terms aimed at him and, by extension, the gay and lesbian community. I've never heard anyone say “fanuc” like Carmela Soprano. How does it feel to be called those names now that you're something of an honorary gay man.
JG: “We were just talkin' about La Cage Aux Fat.” Remember when Chris said that in the parking lot?
[Laughter]

AE: Sure.
JG: The fat thing bothers me more, because I lost a lot of weight.

AE: Sure, I can see how you'd relate to that more. You've never been gay, but you have struggled with your weight.
JG: I was always in shape.

AE: I'd like to talk a little bit more about how you, Joe, feel. I realize you can't talk about how the season develops but, theoretically, if Vito got whacked, how would you feel?
JG: Well, it would be a statement of why he's getting whacked. It's gay bashing. It's what goes on in life—in real life. It's a hate crime…a bias crime. People have issues. It's terrible. It's a statement of our society.

AE: That's for sure. But you're doing your part and I applaud you for that.
JG: I'm glad the gay community is behind me, and one reason is because they buy books.

AE: Yeah, so let's talk about your book. It's called A Meal To Die For—A Culinary Novel of Crime. How long has that been out and how's it doing?
JG: Jan. 10th it was released and it's doing okay. The chef in the book [Benny Lococo] is loosely based on my life—he wants to be a great chef, he gambles and becomes a food fence. You know, if a shrimp falls off a truck, he knows where to get rid of it.

AE: Yeah, I hear you. My father sometimes found stuff that “fell off a truck.”
JG: I had a guy who used to help me pay off my gambling debts. He said, “my grandpa makes this wine. If we put some phony labels on it, can you get rid of it?” I said, ‘yeah I can do that.' We transferred fuckin' canola oil for olive oil. I had all these scams workin'. But then I was growing up in Brooklyn and hustling and like I told you, I lost everything one Sunday and moved to LA to become an actor.

AE: The character in the book? What happens to him?
JG: In the book, [ Benny ] goes to cook for the mob. The boss says to him, “come with us, forget what you owe us and cook at the club.” So, he experiments on dishes for these guys who, well, all they want is garlic and oil. But he wants to make pates, quail and pheasant.

My cooking background is French, you know. So the big boss asks him to cook the best dinner he's ever made—a ten course dinner. But as he's cooking, he's worried that he might get whacked, because they think he's been robbing. He also thinks he's going to be a witness to someone else getting whacked, which he's a little scared about. … It's good, and there are about twenty-five recipes in the book. Each course leads into a new chapter.

AE: Thrilling and functional!
JG: Right now my agent's talking to Hollywood about turning it into a movie.

AE: That's great. You also have a food line called To Die For.
JG: I've got sauces—pasta sauces, olive oil, barbecue sauces.

AE: Wine?
JG: I'll have six labels—red table wine and white table wine—all Wine To Die For. Everything's To Die For… I'm a fuckin' idea man. I reached out to you, right?

AE: Yes, you did.
JG: You know, before this started, [HBO] said to me, “How do you feel about doing the gay [press]?” I said. “Go full steam ahead. When it breaks, I want to do everything.”

AE: Well, we're glad you did. Regardless of what happens to Vito, it's been an interesting ride for everyone. Thanks, Joe. You're a gem.
JG: Thank you, baby. We'll talk.

Kim Ficera is the author of Sex, Lies and Stereotypes: An Unconventional Life Uncensored. Her bi-weekly column Don't Quote Me is dedicated to all the folks in and out of Hollywood who talk without thinking or who don't know when to stop talking. Email her at kim@kimficera.com.

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