Josh Kilmer-Purcell is not your average drag queen—or even your average former drag queen. The boyishly handsome ad agency exec recounts his drag past in the recent memoir I Am Not Myself These Days, detailing his four-hour booze-filled transformation process into Aquadisiac, or Aqua, complete with live fish swimming in her breasts, along with his dramatic relationship with his crack-addicted escort boyfriend, Jack.

While the tale sounds outrageous, Kilmer-Purcell didn't realize he had a book in him until after he retired from drag.

“I never saw my life unfolding as a story. I was too busy f***ing up to consider any cash value in it,” he admits in a recent interview with AfterElton. “Many of the people in my life at the time have resurfaced, and they remind me of stories that I'd completely forgotten.”

Jack is as vivid a character as Josh in the book, his over-the-top yet controlled lifestyle quickly drawing Josh into its web. Theirs was a story that had staying power, becoming the central focus of the book and Kilmer-Purcell's motivation for writing it. “I realized that all my friends were beginning to make fun of certain unorthodox boyfriends/girlfriends in their past. Why? They obviously still meant something to us. I've had hundreds of boyfriends—why couldn't I forget this one?” he explains.

In one particularly striking passage Josh says Jack “was and always will be the greatest love of my life”. That sentiment has struck a chord for many readers, but what does it mean for Kilmer-Purcell's long-time boyfriend, who he met once he'd quit doing drag? One word sums it up: trouble. “I've been in the doghouse for a while now” over that sentence, Kilmer-Purcell reveals. “My current partner and I have been together for six years, and HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.”

Still, the love story is the most powerful element of the book; as each man descends into his respective addiction to crack and booze, what holds them together is the home they've created, a lush, rich haven from the stresses of New York City life, one Kilmer-Purcell deftly contrasts with his tranquil Wisconsin childhood.

As for the booze, Kilmer-Purcell needed it—specifically, vodka—to contort his body into the corseted, curvaceous image of Aqua. The pain would have been impossible to handle without it. The lengthy process involved pantyhose, panties, wigs, earrings, accessories, and heaping doses of stamina.

Here's how he describes the switch from male to female: “Grasping my surprised triumvirate in one hand, I pull the whole package backward as I yank up the tight panties with the other. Trapped. Straightening up from the bend, I can feel my lower abdomen stretch and flatten as my precious goods give up and settle into their new hideaway.” That's just the start, after careful shaving of his entire body.

Next comes antiperspirant, foundation, eye shadow, lipstick, jewelry, and his piece de resistance: the goldfish, which go into a specially tailored outfit, complete with mirrors and tiny flashlights to illuminate them. The corset, which will squeeze six inches of flesh from his waist and make sitting impossible, comes next.

As for the fish, Kilmer-Purcell has caught some flak from the animal rights group PETA, even years after the fact, but the author is defiant. “I'm not responding to their charges till they drum up some more f***in' press for me. In fact, if I don't get a real live protester at one of my readings instead of this cowardly stream of MySpace emails, I'm going to kill a goldfish a day until I get a tofu pie in the face.”

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