Ask the Flying Monkey (February 22, 2010)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Please send an email to aftereltonflyingmonkey@gmail.com and be sure and include your city and state and/or country.

Q: I've noticed that Perez Hilton has turned so bitter lately. He has this weird obsession with John Mayer, and I'm not sure if he's bitter because he has a major crush on John Mayer and can't accept the fact that he's straight. My question is, as a gay community, are we dooming ourselves by having a "I'm the biggest bitch" attitude? — Jay, Olathe, Kansas

A: You're just noticing what an evil, bitter, classless person Perez Hilton is now?!?!

AfterElton.com long ago decided to stop writing about Perez Hilton — our thinking was along the lines that if people stop talking and thinking about him, he might slowly fade away. Like Voldemort.

But your larger point is a fascinating one. Are gay men more likely to be, well, bitches?

My first impulse is to say, "No way! You're stereotyping!"

Clearly, not all gay men are bitchy gay queens — not by a long shot. But the fact is, almost all the truly bitchy folks in today's media are gay, especially online (e.g. Ted Casablanca, Gawker's Nick Denton, Perez, etc.).

I think it's a combination of two things: first, it's about the internet, which encourages (and rewards) the outrageous and the salacious. But it's also something about us, about our community.

Here's what my partner Michael (who is the editor of this site) and I came up with when we did a vlog on this topic a couple of years back (back before we disavowed writing about Perez Hilton). What we said then still pretty much stands for me:

Q: I just recently started watching Modern Family and one thing I love most about Mitch and Cam is that they are a diverse couple. As a big "bear" myself, it is so rare that you see large gay men represented, especially as love interests. I was wondering if there has been other shows or movies who have showed big men as romantic interests or better yet has there ever been a case where an out gay star has dated a bigger man in real life? — Charles, Nova Scotia, Canada

Ugly Betty's Cliff St. Paul, Sarah Silverman's Brian and Steve, Esea Tualo

A: Well, there was Cliff St. Paul, Marc's boyfriend on Ugly Betty, and Steve and Brian on The Sarah Silverman Program. John Goodman's "Butch" was a bear on the short-lived 2000 sitcom Normal, Ohio, but I don't think had a boyfriend.

As for real-life celebrities, I might have said football player Esera Tuaolo and his partner Mitchell Wherley, but they broke up in 2007. Other famous gay bears include Chelsea Lately sidekick/comedian Gary Branum and the members of the now-kaput Dutch "bear" band, Bearforce1, although I don't know their relationship statuses.

That's a disappointing answer, isn't it? Well, here's hoping things change soon

Next Page! A tasty foot-long on television!