Ask the Flying Monkey! (March 03, 2009)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey! (Please include your city and state and/or country.)

Q: Have you been watching The Soup? Besides the always-adorable Joel McHale, there is a really hot guy that shows up every once and a while, mostly to either get shot by Joel or shoot himself. All I know is that he has a great body and needs to take his shirt off more. Who is he? And no, I'm not talking about the guy in the man-kini. -- Daniel, Vacaville, California

Production assistant Matt Carney greases up on The Soup

A: His name is Matt Carney and he really is a production assistant on the show, just like they say. “I started as an intern in ’07,” he tells the Monkey, “and eventually collected enough dirt on enough people that they had no choice but to hire me as a Production Assistant. Since then, I’ve worked my way up the ladder, rung by rung. I’m currently a Production Assistant.”

What does he do all day? “I edit clips, handle other areas of production and pick up the runny piles of crap Lou [the Chihuahua] likes to leave under our desks,” he says. “I wish that was a joke.”

How did he end up on camera? “The first time I appeared on camera, I was in a sequined red dress and I got pepper-sprayed. The second time I came on, I got punched in the face. The writers choose at random who they want to see get abused and humiliated that particular week and for some reason the wheel usually seems to land on me.”

I was curious about Matt’s workout routine – since it’s pretty clear he’s got a good one.

“Well, thanks for asking,” he says. “For anyone to care is a pretty nice compliment. Nothing exciting though, really. I always start with 10-15 minutes of light cardio just to get the heart going and warm everything up a bit. Then machines and free weights for 45 minutes to an hour. I usually finish with about 10 minutes of some core work. I do this 3-4 times a week, and that’s about it. Oh and a lot of steroids. The kind they give to injured racehorses. My testicles are incredibly small, but you should see my clean and jerk.”

Um, it’s pretty clear why they picked Matt for the on-air cameos, isn’t it? The guy’s pretty damn funny.

Matt is straight, but says he’s well aware of his Internet fans, gay and straight. “The fact that anyone would take the time out of their day to send me a message is totally flattering and frankly, hard to believe,” he says. “I’m just a guy who picks up Chihuahua crap. God, I wish that was a joke.”

Q: What are some excellent movies about clearly bisexual men (not closeted homosexuals) being in a love triangle and torn between choosing a man or a woman? – Kitty, Knoxville, TN

A: It’s a good question, Kitty.  In many ways, the stereotypes of bisexuals are even worse than the stereotypes for gay people: bisexuals are selfish hedonists, or they’re incapable of monogamy or commitment, or they’re “confused,” or they’re really, truly gay and unable to accept it.

The Monkey’s personal pet peeve is that vampires are so often portrayed as bisexual. Vampires? That’s when writers and filmmakers choose to be sexuality-inclusive?

Still, there are a few movies, mostly foreign ones, where bisexuality is more than just “confusion” or a symptom of vampirism: A Home at the End of the World (2004), Les Chansons d’amour (2007), Grande Ecole (2004), Three of Hearts (1993), Stage Beauty (2004), Contadora is for Lovers (2006), Velvet Goldmine (1998), Alexander (2004), Confusion of Genders (2000), Sunday Bloody Sunday (1971), and The Fourth Man (1983).

Colin Farrell (right) plays bi in A Home at the End of the World

But truly excellent movies? The Flying Monkey honestly can’t think of any, except Kinsey (2004) and Cabaret (1972).

“It would not be an understatement to say that we are starved for reflections of our lives, and as a result grab at whatever scraps we can find,” says Robyn Ochs, editor of a terrific book, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World.

Next page! Sparks flew backstage at Queer as Folk, and employment prospects for out gay actors.