Ask the Flying Monkey! (March 29, 2010)

This week! The Kids in the Hall, whether it's okay to out dead celebrities, and lots and lots of Ugly Bettys! Plus, the most pleasurable "guilty pleasure" of all!

Q: In your recent column on coming out, you didn’t address outing celebrities posthumously. How should this be handled: "don't speak ill of the dead" or "add another name to the pantheon of the fabulous"?  – Hue-Man, Canada

A: I vote for “add another name to the pantheon of the fabulous.” Here’s why: There are two reasons why most media outlets (including AfterElton.com) are still at least somewhat sensitive to reporting that a closeted famous person is gay: (1) if the person hasn’t ever revealed it in an interview, it’s an indication that he or she thinks there would be career-repercussions and doesn’t want the world to know, and (2) we're not absolutely sure it’s true.

Think about it: if a rock could be gay, would anyone care if a news outlet pointed that out? Why? It’s a rock! It doesn’t have any wishes to respect!

When a person dies, they basically become like rocks; they don’t have thoughts and feelings. They don’t exist, so their wishes don’t exist anymore either. Sure, their “identity” exists, but it moves from their personhood into the Great Beyond – and, if they’re famous, it’s tossed into the Great Pop Culture Bouillabaisse.

Malcolm Forbes, Merv Griffin, Laurence Olivier

This is reflected in our laws: as I understand it, you can’t libel a dead person (although a written statement about a dead person can still be libelous to someone living). You also can’t be sued by a dead person, which – let’s face it – is kind of a big deal here.

But I said there were two reasons to be sensitive about printing someone is gay. And even if the first reason goes away, there’s still that second one: it might not be true. Just because a person is dead doesn’t give anyone an excuse to print gossip or make s**t up.

Except for the fact that we no longer have to respect the wishes of the person in question, I think we media folk should operate with all the same rules as before: real, on-the-record sources, confirmed by the public record.

Publicity whores

Q: Would Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka ever appear on a show as a couple other than How I Met Your Mother, or any award show red carpets? Or have they already? -- dinky_chix

A: Neil and David are publicity whores who will go the opening of an envelope.

I kid!

In truth, my respect for Harris and Burtka knows no bounds, mostly because they act together in public exactly like any heterosexual celebrity couple. They frequently appear together on red carpets.

Plus, they’re adorable.

They haven't done any other TV or film work together, but they have often sung or performed together at charity events like Broadway Backwards for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.

Next Page! Can gays tell anti-gay jokes and write stereotypical gay characters?