Ask the Flying Monkey! (July 6, 2009)

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Why do we stop at body image in our comparison of women and gay men? The fact is that women have an established and important image in culture. Feminists may have run from the idea of only being treated as mamas and grandmas, but both have an important social role. And some women like Sarah Palin make full use of this fact to be holier than thou.

Gay men on the other hand have no social role except to be young and good looking, or to do people's hair. Truly, the comparison is hardly apt. 

It's also worth noting that most women look nothing like their media representations and they seem to do just fine in life.

I would not want to become a woman. I can't imagine it's wonderfully easy, but comparing a highly visible numerical majority to an invisible fringe group like gays...well it just seems like you're trying to impress your female friends.

Almost every woman I meet will say that the person she loves becomes more beautiful and more physically attractive because she loves them. A few men say the same thing, but men are more likely to say that the level of physical attraction does not change based on the depth of emotion. Men and women just tend to be wired differently - speaking generally, of course. There are no absolutes. 

Tomorrow's the day babe.

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible." - Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes

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I'm going to have to go with Stewart on this one.  I like them both, can appreciate their different styles, but I enjoy Jon's more. (Though Strangers With Candy will always win out over, ahem, Death to Smoochy and Half Baked.)

In part, I prefer the fact that, to me, The Daily Show says, "hey, look at these crazy news stories and terrible politicians! Hypocritical and hilarious!" whereas the Colbert Report says, "hey, look at me, look at me... I'm a crazy monkey! Oh, also, these news stories!" Unencumbered by a "character," Jon is able to more directly call out nutjobs, which I enjoy-- though maybe someone else will say that they prefer Stephen's more, uh, subtle satire of said wackos.  The debate rages on.

She's not wearing revealing clothes. The one of her imitating a pin up model is a bit sexual for a kid, but it wasn't that bad, in the context of being a fun shot for friends (as opposed to a publicity picture for promoting a product). 

But the reason it's kind of a scandal is that she has a history of photos that *are* inappropriately revealing. I'm not a puritan, but it is frustrating to see so many celebriteis, especially younger girls, trade their bodies and their sexuality for popularity.

Insert the old "Don't stick your hand in the fire just because everyone else is doing it" line my mother told me growing up.

Delete her followup line of "Why can't you be like everyone else?", which brings us back to body image issues and all awful contradictory messages that women hear in this culture.

It makes every woman angry, but not every woman shows it the same way.

Some women act out against the Establishment.

Some women, especially those women who have bought into the line about how a woman can't own her anger and let herself be angry, drink the poison Kool-Aid, internalize it, and become enforcers of the rules against women.  The stronger ones break free in middle age or when they see their own children oppressed.  (Read Sue Monk Kidd's fabulous biography, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter for an account of that, or the recent TV bio-bic of the woman who pestered her gay son to suicide and later became a gay rights advocate.)  The others never recant.

The rest of us are angry, but we try to get on with our lives and keep our own daughters and sons from drinking the poison Kool-Aid.

"Is that...SHE?  IS IT?  OHMYGOD, IT IS SHE!  IT IS SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  (Collapses.) One of the funniest damn things I've ever seen.  (She also had small but vivid parts as one of the smarter girls in "Little Darlings," and as the traumatized maid/spy for Salieri in "Amadeus.")

Richard Thomas has a large gay following, partly because of his undeniable physical beauty in his youth, but also because of his "sensitive" demeanor and gentleness, which some might misread as gay (but is very appealing).  He's also played gay in the outstanding TV movie "Andre's Mother" as well as his sterling work in "The 5th of July."

In the UK, we had an openly gay footballer called Justin Fashanu back in the 1990s. It's a tragic story.

He was the first black player to command a million-pound transfer fee and he really knew how to score goals. However, he wasn't discreet about his sexuality and he was forced out by the Sun newspaper (which was rabidly homophobic at the time - and still isn't much better). Almost immediately, his brother John Fashanu (also a top footballer) disowned him and he became the target of constant homophobia from the crowd and from his team mates. His professional career spiralled downwards dramatically as clubs refused to offer him contracts.

He finally ended up coaching in America in 1998 where a 17-year-old boy accused him of sexual harrassment (although the police investigated and dropped the case). Finally, a couple of days later, Fashanu hanged himself writing in his suicide note that he'd already been presumed guilty, no matter what he said. Sadly, he did this immediately after visiting a gay sauna, so one can only imagine what was said to him there.

Although it's been a decade since all this happened - and the world has changed dramatically in that time - Justin Fashanu's horror story is still held up as a warning to other professional footballers.

I'm not sure if it's the same in Spain, but in England the Football Association and Professional Footballers' Association have joined up with gay organisations to 'kick homophobia out of football'. It's already had some success in getting fans prosecuted who were chanting homophobic abuse and in a weird but cheering move, the Official England Supporters' Club complained to FIFA when fans from other countries were hurling homophoic insults at England players.

It's no secret that there are gay players in England (the openly gay referees have said so!), but the FA, PFA and Stonewall (the gay organisation) want to manage it very carefully when one of those players decides to come out. Apart from not wanting another Justin Fashanu situation it's speculated that it'll be one of the older players who comes out because it won't affect his international career and he'll already have an established fan base who are likely to be more supportive to him.

I'm not sure when this is going to happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were in the next couple of years.

It's one thing for a 16-year-old to play dress up to look like she's twenty (even though I still think Miley's parents should be taken to task for some of these photos).

It's an entirely different thing to dress up a 7-year-old like a 40-year-old prostitute! ...and then to have the nerve to say "But she loves to compete in pageants." No, what she loves (and this is the sick part) is for you to tell her that she's pretty and loved.

These pageants for little girls are child abuse, and parents who participate in them should be ashamed of themselves.

Teenagers definitely do have sexuality, and they definitely do act on it (sorry, abstinance-only proponents!).  What distresses me is that teenage female celebrities are encouraged to fit themselves into this extremely narrow definition of a pre-determined idea of what sexuality is (the Britney Spears video for "Hit Me Baby One More Time" springs to mind).  It's not about how the teenager feels or wants or desires, but what the Consumer wants to see from them.  So we make the girls become blow-up dolls and the boys become callously promiscuous, then we hate and mock them for becoming what we've made them.  It's sick and wrong and we need to change it.

"Go, or go ahead and surprise me."  -- Rufus Wainwright

It is true that teenagers generally have a sexual aspect to themselves. But they are different from adults. For them sexuality is something new. Ideally, adolescence would be a safe place for young people to get to understand themselves and gain confidence in themselves. But what happens in our culture is that girls (and possibly some boys) learn that their sexuality is something to buy and sell. They don't learn that their sexuality is an integral part of themselves to be valued, respected, and never compromised. I don't blame Miley Cyrus for creating this cultural situation. Her pictures (not the ones with Shankman, but the one with her nude in a blanket, for example) are just one small symptom of a greater problem. The picture of Miley in the blanket wouldn't have been the biggest deal, by itself. The problem is that it's just a drop in the bucket.

My point isn't that sexuality is bad, or that teens should be afraid of sexuality. My point is that when female sexuality is expressed in the media, it is usually with the idea of treating it like a commodity, instead of as something sacred. Against this backdrop, the picture of Miley in the blanket was upsetting to me, because it was yet another example of a young girl learing to sell her body in preparation for entering adulthood.

The book "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf is great because it explains what I'm trying to say much more eloquently than I can.

Edit: Btw, I completely agree that child beauty paegents are exploitative, and they bug the hell out of me.

"It seems to me that there are a few stereotypes to conform to, and if you don't fit into one of those groups, you don't really have a place."

 I don't know how many times I've been heard to say "Don't call me a bear!" which, oddly, usually comes out in a growl..LOL!

I like my facial hair, I'm a large, solid guy who doesn't want to wax his chest.  Therefore, I'm a "bear" or a "cub" or somebody called me a timber-wolf and I deigned not to ask for elaboration. 

Why do I have to conform to stereotypes based on body image?  I may be a masculine, muscled man, but that doesn't mean I don't want to go dance under the strobes til 5am nor does it mean I'm only attracted to other guys with my same body type/look.  Although, I will admit that I understood getting a few strange looks when I dated the 5'6" guy who only weighed 120 pounds soaking wet! 

My point is:  I agree with you 100%.  In the "gay world" I often feel that I don't have a place because I don't conform to any one type.  Sure, I'm liked and if I go out I talk with lots of people, but I almost never get invited to get togethers because they just don't seem to think I'd want to go or that I'd fit in.  Therefore, all of my friends (save one) are straight men, women or lesbians.