Ask the Flying Monkey: Should I Cancel My Wedding? Why Are So Many Gay Men So Self-Destructive?

This week! The Flying Monkey takes on several pairs of homophobic parents, annoying gay rights activists, and the disturbing idea that a lot of gay men are self-destructive.

Have a question about gay male entertainment or life? Contact me here (and be sure and include your city and state and/or country!)

Q: I am 23-years-old and come from an extremely conservative background. I always knew that I was gay, but only recently have I accepted it. I live with my parents because they sent me to a Bible school and when I graduated, I didn’t want to have a Christian job and so I’m now looking for one. The only person I have told that I am gay is my best friend who cried and told me that’s the saddest thing she’s ever heard of. She then told me that I had claimed homosexuality on my life and just needed to deny it till the feelings went away. That’s the way I know my parents are going to react, and I need a job and an apartment before I tell them so they can’t kick me out. Do you know of any gay-oriented jobs that are in Kansas City? I want to work with kids whose parents don’t accept them, but I don’t know how to look for such jobs. I know this isn’t a job placement site but since you know everything about everything I hoped that you could help me. – Anonymous

A: Truthfully? Someday I think you’ll be a great choice to work with kids whose parents don’t accept them, but I’m not sure you’re ready for that particular job just yet. You’ll be in a much better position to help young people deal with family situations like yours when your own story is finally done.

First, some validation: I can only imagine how difficult your life must have been up until now, and I can’t begin to imagine how horrible it must have been to have trusted your friend with your secret and have her betray you like that. It’s hard to “blame” her, because she’s trapped in the same hermetically-sealed fundamentalist Christian bubble that you’ve been trapped in all your life, but still.

And let’s be absolutely certain: it is a bubble you’re living in, with a definite outside. But the air is very different out here, and it’s important that you go about leaving that bubble in a smart, calculated way, to avoid being crushed by the pressure.

The good news is that you’re taking all the necessary steps: looking for a job and an apartment and, most importantly, not coming out to your parents just yet. When someone is abusing you, as your parents absolutely are, you have every right to lie to them in order to prevent further abuse.

Basically: “Your insight serves you well. But bury your feelings deep down, Anonymous. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor.”

Still, even if you’re not quite ready to help other kids leave their own hermetically sealed fundamentalist Christian bubbles just yet, you could definitely use a job, gay or otherwise, right? Perhaps our readers in Kansas City might have some job leads they can post in the “comments.”

P.S. Keep reading, Anonymous. There’s another letter farther down my column that I think you should read.

Next Page! How scared should we be about the American remake of Skins? Plus, annoying gay rights activists!