Ask the Flying Monkey! (July 13, 2009)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey! (Please include your city and state and/or country.)

Q: NYC Prep’s PC is seriously hitting my gaydar. Is he gay? Closeted? I read on some sites that everyone thinks he's gay, but I can't trust them -- I can only trust the all-mighty Flying Monkey. – Michael, Vancouver, Canada  P.S. If he's gay, hook us up, ok?  He is older than me by a bit, but who cares?! 

A: If you watched last week, you know that people on the show are already teasing Peter “PC” Peterson about being bi. Is it true, and a hint of future storylines on the show, or just the producers using clever editing to provoke viewer interest?

We asked the network, Bravo, but they refused to comment. "You'll have to come to your own conclusion," they said.

As for me, all I've got for you, Michael, is a hunch. But I don't think PC is straight, and I think his dealing with his sexuality will be a factor in future episodes. 

Peter "PC" Peterson

Q: Flying Ape, I've heard a strange rumor about [an international celebrity]. It’s said that he once came to the ER of a very private hospital in [a foreign country] because he had a bottle stuck up his rear end. I was wondering if you happen to know if any of this is true? -- DaN

A: In a way, I’m glad my mother is no longer alive. I can’t imagine how I would explain to her what exactly I do for a living.

Of all the rumors to prove, ones of this type are surely the most difficult. It’s extremely embarrassing, so the celebrity is never going to confirm it. But nothing else would satisfy. Photographic evidence can be faked, and you can find an attention-seeking “witness” willing to say anything, especially if it involves incredibly juicy celebrity gossip.

Sadly, rumors of this type are also impossible to disprove, which is why they’re so vicious (and which is why I’m not identifying the celebrity in question).

Do people go to the hospital emergency room with objects stuck in their rear end? They definitely do. In fact, a good friend once invited me, her gay college friend, over to meet her parents, including her gynecologist father. He spent the whole dinner talking about all the foreign objects he had removed from people’s rectums. No joke.

When I was a kid, I remember two gay sex rumors, one about Rod Stewart and a certain stomach pump, and one about Richard Gere and a gerbil. This was long before the Internet, but everyone had heard these rumors, which says something about their awesome power.

The gerbil community categorically denies these scurrilous rumors

For the record, both the Stewart and Gere rumors are absolutely, 100%, unequivocally false. The former, in addition to being attributed to at least 15 different rock stars, is impossible; the latter, also impossible, has been extensively investigated, and has all the earmarks of a classic urban legend anyway.

The point? I don’t know the truth about the rumor you mention. And if someone else tells you they do, they’re lying.

Next page! Janet Jackson, Michael Jackson, and the GLBT community.