Ask the Flying Monkey! (July 20, 2009)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey! (Please include your city and state and/or country.)

Q: My friend and I were having a discussion about the word “faggot” after he saw the episode Kings where Silas calls Jack one. My friend was really shocked that they used the word on TV, but my reaction was "So what? Don't they say it on TV often?” Do they? – Mark, Queens, NY

A: Truthfully, no. It’s pretty rare.

I’m of mixed minds here: part of me gets annoyed when people react to specific words like they’re something other than just words, like they’re plutonium – so toxic that they can’t even be spoken out loud. This ends up giving these words far more power than they deserve.

Then again, a different part of me gets annoyed when screenwriters – usually straight male screenwriters – include things in TV show and movies for the sake of “authenticity” or “character” without really questioning the impact they might have on certain members of their audience.

I’m still astounded by the casual way many male screenwriters seem to treat male-female rape, obviously not realizing the impact that these scenes have on many female viewers. I’m certain they’d feel differently if they had to endure scene after scene of men getting raped in popular entertainment.

When it comes to “faggot,” I think TV has it mostly right: the bar for using it should be high, but it absolutely should be something that, given a context as in Kings, has its place and time.

King Silas (Ian McShane) calls his son the F-word
in a pivotal scene on Kings

Q: What is the ULTIMATE truth? Does size matter to gay men? I am a single, attractive, educated gay men with a “less than big” thing. – David

A: It all depends on the gay or bisexual man. For some, this is important – and I’m the first to say that no one should have to apologize for whatever they’re attracted to.

Still, I can say with absolute certainty that there are plenty of gay and bisexual men for whom “less is more,” and even more for whom “size” is a complete non-issue. People really are more than the sum total of their parts, and it’s the very foolish person who doesn’t learn this early on. As with everything in life, it’s all about the Big Picture.

But here’s what I’m definitely not saying: “Eventually you’ll find someone who will overlook your flaw.” What I’m saying is that eventually you will find someone who won’t see it as a flaw – who will love and be attracted to you exactly the way you are.

When you find this someone, you should consider spending your life with him.

And for the record? Of all the answers I’ve ever given in this column, I’ve never been more sure of any one than this.

Next page! Great TV bromances, Drew Daniel internet rumors.