Ask the Flying Monkey! (November 02, 2009)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Send it to aftereltonflyingmonkey@yahoo.com! (Please include your city and state and/or country.)

Q: What do you REALLY think about the circumstances surrounding Stephen Gately’s death? Do you think ill of him and his partner for being a negative representative of the gay community and its fight for marriage (in many people's eyes, threesomes aren’t "normal" when you’re married)? -- Curious from My House, USA

Stephen Gately

A: Now that’s an interesting question!

Are there times when I’m embarrassed by what other gay folks do? Well, I know that the actions of other people have no real bearing whatsoever on me – especially when you’re talking about someone who is as only tangentially related to me as merely being another member of my same minority.

Still, I also know that that’s not how a lot of people see it. People do make sweeping generalizations about all or most minorities based things they see in the media.

So when individual gay people do patently stupid things and then get massive media coverage, yeah, I reluctantly admit I do sometimes do that internal “minority” wince. I confess: George Michael drives me insane. First, he gets caught stupidly cruising in public places, then justifies it by saying what he’s doing is “gay culture”?

It’s like when Marion Barry gets caught smoking crack and cries “racism”: it’s bad enough to make a really bad choice in your personal life, but then you have to go one step farther and marginalize a whole social movement just to save your sorry ass?

But are the circumstances surrounding Stephen Gately’s death an example of something gay people should be annoyed or embarrassed about?

In my mind, they’re not – not even close.

First, what Stephen Gately and his boyfriend did and didn’t do with other guys is absolutely none of anyone else’s business. And even if it was our business (which it totally isn’t), we simply don’t know enough of the circumstances to make an informed judgment.

Gately and partner Andy Cowles

What was really going on between Stephen Gately’s boyfriend and the supposed third guy? We don’t know. What was the arrangement Stephen and boyfriend had – and what were the reasons for that arrangement? We don’t know.

And, again, none of this is any of our damn business!

And then there’s the fact that, oh yeah, he just died, and it’s incredibly tasteless to be speculating about any of this right now anyway.

(By contrast, George Michael was caught having sex in a public restroom and a public park, and was found taking drugs while driving. Both those actions most definitely are my business: his driving under the influence can kill me or my loved ones, and restroom stalls exist for a reason, and it isn’t so some selfish closet case can monopolize them while making the seat disgusting and unusable for everyone else – including disabled people, for the record!)

Anyway, if people such as Jan Moir are too stupid to see the difference here, that is really their issue, not mine.

And what do you know? Just as most Americans were instinctively able to see that the “impeachment” of Bill Clinton was a ridiculous, politically motivated witch-hunt and disgusting invasion of the Clintons’ private lives, most people in Britain seem to be able to see Jan Moir for exactly what she is.

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