Ask the Flying Monkey! (November 09, 2009)

I know he is ... since Traveler but I don't like the idea that some people try to out him.

Now I feel kind of bad bringing the Jim Parsons photos up (even two times), I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. But I can’t lie I’m curious about the private life of my favorite actors/actresses/singers although I know it’s none of my business and they’ve the right to privacy. It’s just hard to live in a world filled with gossip magazines, TV shows, and internet sites and not love gossip. At least for me.

Although I could really care less if Matt is gay or not, out or not, I do have to say thanks for talking about it again. Why? Because logging onto AE and seeing shirtless Matt Bomer on the main page is a glorious thing.

I enjoyed this week's column, particularly because I admire and agree with AE's policy on outing (except for when it came to Adam Lambert). but this line really bothered me: "Get it together, Brent. You can do this. Just a few more questions to answer. Then you can commit suicide in peace." I've personally known people who have tried to commit suicide, and I don't think it's anything to joke about. At all. Ever.

 

You too can be saved by the blog! www.savedbytheblog14.blogspot.com 

I may be straight, but I'm not narrow.

I think if you are kissing someone and there is photographic evidence and one of the kissed forthrightly confirms an existing or past relationship, then it is not fair to invalidate the years in the life of a non-actor to try to validate the ambition of an actor. Are you supposed to dismiss the out person to cover the other? And at that point how much is it just enabling the perpetuation of the idea that being gay/bi is bad? I personally cheer the out person who isn't ashamed to reflect the reality of their life. That said, I can understand a site like AE that wants to encourage actors to use it as a venue to come out not wanting to out anyone.

He's not making light of the pain you feel, Its just something people say. I say it, lots of people say it. We cannot censor and pussy foot around people and ourselfs for the sake of hoping never to hurt someone.

Sorry for your pain but nothing should ever be off limits to humor, that path can only lead to a people in fear of offending others and other people using it to control what we all say, and thats no way to live.

Should just agree to disagree on that point then.

I LOVED golden girls. wondering what that did to me...I do fit perfecly on the akward and non-sporty type of gall. i'm laughing so hard imagining those evil old ladies plotting to turn a generation of boys gays. I do see a lot of crazy people taking this serius...some people just dont have a sense of humor. And Ahoy monkey so many "is he?" questions on the same editon you must be hyperventilating. sit back and have a banana split.

The rumor I keep hearing is that author and blogger Brent Hartinger is VERY gay and in a secret long term relationship with AfterElton.com editor Michael Jensen. Who knew a guy with a goatee and quite the masculine physique would be SO gay??!! I mean Snicks maybe... but Brent?! I am shocked! Monkey can you help me out?

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If I bring out the devil in you, he was there all along!

Legally married Sept 18, 2009. Wedded Oct 10,2009.

we don't have the right to know most if not all of the things tabloids and on-line gossip sites post about celebrities. But, if they speculate about (presumed) straight celebrities and not about (presumed) gay ones then that not only screams hypocrisy, it says that being gay is such a terrible thing that even gossips won't talk about it. If Jennifer Aniston and Joe Blow are seen having coffee together, or hanging out at the pool or where ever, there is instant speculation about their relationship. One outing between two straight celebs and mags everywhere scream they're in love/eloping/having quints/whathaveyou.

Helicopters followed Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie around when they were filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith trying to catch something just on rumors they were attracted to each other, even though Brad was still married. Yet how often did Lindsey Lohan and Samantha Ronson go out together, hold hands, snuggle, frickin move in together and it was all 'shhh, don't say that'. You had Lance Bass, going out and to gay bars with an openly gay man and still, 'we'll wait until he says he's gay'. Any of those instances could just be friends hanging out but only the same sex ones are taboo to speculation by the media. By acting like it's a horrible, shameful thing that will ruin an actors career and even their life it anyone even suggests it, then that's exactly what it remains.

If PBS counts as a network, then the throat-scorching, mind-blowing kiss between Richard "John Boy Walton" Thomas and a 27 year old Jeff Daniels at the beginning of the filmed version of out playwright Lanford Wilson's "Fifth of July" in the summer of 1982 predates the other "first kisses." This play also starred a young Cynthia Nixon and won Swoosie Kurtz a Tony Award. On Broadway, Jeff Daniels got to kiss Christopher Reeve every night when he played the Richard Thomas role (hotcha!!!!!). The play was remarkable not just for the kiss, but because it portrayed the gay couple as just another couple in a wild and wacky family, ala "Modern Family." If you haven't seen it, it's awesome.

Unless we isolate ourselves from the world. Somewhere,somehow, someone is going to make light of a situation that will offend someone. I do not know Brent personally, however, I read enough of his columns to know that his intention is not to make light of a tragic situation. It's not consistence with what I have read from his work so far. If we are going to social networking, regardless if it's on internet or on a person to person basis, we can either ignore or see shadows lurking everywhere.You are certainly entitled to your opinion. However, I will definitely believe that the out of context statement made by Brent was not directed at you or anyone who experienced suicides tragedies. The fact that you took exceptions to that statement is because you are still feeling the pain for your loss and for that my heartfelt condolences to you.

"some of my best friends are the internet!" LOL! Consider this quote stolen.

oh man. outing, outing, outing. i have come to realize that actors act for a living and thats why they are famous. PERIOD. people see their movies/shows for them, not for who they are dating in real life, or whatever ...

but as i have said before, it's very tricky. I am out and would be happy if closeted actors didn't exist, but...they do. mainly for the reason of their career being ruined. then again, it's like "oh if they came out, they could change the industry, change minds, yadda yadda, be more happy with themselves..."

I sometimes have to take a step back and put myself in their shoes...sort of.

I'm not a public figure, but i also am not out to every person i come across. there will be people who will never know i am gay and i have my reasons, like anyone, for not telling them.

that makes me sound like a hypocrite then when i go on about how proud i am of being who i am, right? then why don't i just come out to everyone i cross paths with?

not as simple as people think it should be. it's very tricky. therefore, i've realized i can no longer be upset when someone is closeted or decides not to comment.

I have no room to damn these people

between ordinary everyday gay people and people in "the public eye." If you're going to be in show business it means that you want everyone to know your face and your name. And if you're successful they're going to want to know who's behind that face and that name. It's for this reason that actors hire publicists -- to "manage" their image in the way that best suits them. Complicating matters, howver, is a media culture that subsumes EVERYTHING. Those photos of Bomer are "out there," and so are postings about him. It's a bell that cannot be unrung. What's done with it on this site is another matter. If his show features gay characters we'll talk about it , no matter what the sexual orientation of the actors involved. As for Bomer himself, the ball's now in his court. His "name" is out there. But the "details" are not. Will they be of interest? What will he have to say? Stay tuned.

every gay architect come out, stand up and let that world know. That would do more to end prejudice overnight than anybody would imagine. I urge them to do that, urge them to come out. Only that way will we start to achieve our rights." - Harvey Milk (1977)

And in our celebrity-obsessed culture, I think it's reasonable to add gay celebrities to that list.

I don't agree with forcing someone out of the closet, unless they're actively anti-gay, but I can't help but think of the the phrase: "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem", especially after watching this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuWJ6LQ9R4U

double post

The argument that being in a high-profile career means that one surrenders any right to privacy commits the naturalistic fallacy -- that is, it concludes "ought" from "is." We can indeed correctly say that someone in the public eye will have his private life made public, but that says nothing about how things should be. If invading someone's privacy is wrong, then it's wrong, regardless of our current state of affairs.

  I think it's fair to say that it's a shitty time to be alive. From Glenn Beck at the extreme to the more common experience of a society that's a little too cold and corporate. I can't imagine saying that society's disregard for a celebrity's privacy carries any moral value, or sets any worthwhile precedent for how we should treat gay celebrities, once you think about how bad the rest of society is.

Who KNEW?!? Certainly not I. Damn, another one for my "born 70 years too early" list. (Tab Hunter and 60's singer Chris Montez are both high on that list as well.)

I feel bad for him. I'm sure he just wants to have a successful acting career, and now this has come up, and it could de-rail his career.

However, how widely talked about are these pictures? I mean, are we just a tempest in a teapot here? Are we only talking about this on gay-dominated websites? Provided this never makes the mainstream press, he could just continue to ignore it with little impact on his career.

I like to think that if I were to become famous, I would be out from Day 1, proudly stating who I am. But then I think, wow, you are right there, ready to grab the brass ring, starring on a tv show, about to potentially rake in millions and millions of dollars, but that could all die this instant if I come out. Will it kill me to wait a few years, so that I can secure my fortune first? I can see why they don't want anything to disrupt their plans.

Now, if this becomes tabloid fodder, his best bet would be to immediately confirm it and say that he doesn't want it to be the only thing that defines him (the TR Knight defense). Trying to hide it once it goes mainstream will only make things worse for him.  

I heard that Brent, of The Flying Monkey fame, was gay. Is this true? ;-)

I went to the University of Texas in Austin, TX (with some of Bomer's Klein H.S. classmates, actually, as we're the same age, but he obviously wasn't a topic for conversation then) where a lot of people are figuring stuff out and others are just enjoying the ride. They also get drunk a lot, cause that's what kids from party schools often do, and there were lots of men on men and women on women kisses whilst said drunkeness was going on. Often as part of a bet or drinking game and less often but still sometimes with a camera that captured it (I'm sure it's even more common now with cell phone cameras and video). And as anyone who has ever seen two drunk straight guys kiss, it, like a KiH or SNL skit, get's kind of raunchy (they overdo it with the tongue and the open mouth for humorous purposes). SO...Bomer, who is clearly drunk off his ass in the second, full face photo, open mouth kissed a dude. Maybe he's gay, maybe he's not...but he's not openly out. Leave the poor kid alone!

I dont see why Matthew Bomer is considered ''closeted''. Being in the closet to me is -- blatantly lying about your sexuality, keep denying that you're gay, having a fake relationship with a beard, etc. He has done NONE of those things. He just chose not to talk about his sexual orientation. It's his business and I respect his choice. Plus, considering that if an actor is out in his personal life, why is he considered ''closeted'' by the general public? Do all gay actors owe us an ''I'm Gay'' headline on the cover of People magazine?

 

As a 40something gay man I can clearly remember gay kissing in The Naked Civil Servant  (about the life of Quentin Crisp) which was shown in 1975 (The follow-up An Englishman In New York is due to be aired soon)

I also remember a TV serial called Penmarric shown in 1979 that featured lots of gay kissing.

I don't remember it causing too much fuss at the time either? I'd imagine British people older than I can recall shows from the 1960's?