Ask the Flying Monkey! (March 4, 2008)

Have a question about gay male entertainment? Ask the Monkey!

Q: Apparently “bromance” is in the air. What’s the most famous real-life example? – John, Providence, RI

A: UrbanDictionary.com defines “bromance” as “a non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close,” and it is, indeed, all around us, from the Youtube yearnings for Tom Brady to the Super Secret Project’s love for Zach Braff — “in a non-gay way.”

Of course, fictional examples of “bromance” include Seth and Evan in Superbad (perhaps the most overrated movie of all time), and J.D. and Turk in Scrubs (perhaps the most underrated TV show of all time).

But the most famous real-life example? You might be tempted to say Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey, who had to publicly deny that their close friendship was sexual, especially after shirtless photos were published of them biking together. “We tried it,” McConaughey joked. “Wasn’t for us.”

Or you might say Spencer Pratt and Brody Jenner, Steve Harvey and Cedric The Entertainer, or even (tragically) close off-screen buds Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger.

But sadly, as incredibly unappealing as it may be, the most famous example of “bromance” is John McCain and George W. Bush, joined at the hip since McCain surrendered all dignity in 2004 by sucking up to and endorsing the man even after Bush’s chief strategist, Karl Rove, had pathetically dragged his name through the gutter in the 2000 election, and then, in 2004, did the same thing to McCain’s former partner in “bromance,” John Kerry.

Bromance: it isn’t always Ben-and-Matt adorable. Sometimes it’s downright scary.

Q: When will Luke and Noah kiss again? – Mandy, Cleveland, OH

A:The AfterElton Flying Monkey knows a lot, but even he doesn’t know this. Frankly, at this point, I think As the World Turns is missing a real boat unless they somehow incorporate the kissing controversy into their storyline. Maybe Noah is making a video for his “Video Production” class and he wants to show two guys kissing, but the school says, “No way.” Imagine the wink-wink-nod-nod fun they could have with that, especially if (as I suspect) the very pro-gay writers have been issued a “no kissing” directive from the higher-ups.

Q: What did you think of “I’m F***ing Ben Affleck,” Jimmy Kimmel’s video response to the “I’m F***ing Matt Damon” video of his girlfriend Sarah Silverman? – Andrew, Seattle, WA

A: Truthfully? I was really disappointed.

Here at AfterElton, we get tipped off to quite a few things, and when I first heard the idea, I thought, “Ha! He’s actually going to top Sarah Silverman!” whose freakin’ hilarious original video was sublime. I already had an article half written in my head, “Mainstream comedy finally—finally!—goes somewhere other than ‘Gay Chicken’.”

Alas, Kimmel’s video substituted cheap gags and big-name guest stars for genuine wit. Even worse, Kimmel surrendered a real opportunity to do something fresh and contemporary with a gay-related joke. Hey, we live in the age of “bromance,” right?

Let’s face it: Sarah Silverman’s humor is all about the shock. To fight back, you have to be shocking too. But apparently Kimmel was apparently too freaked out by the idea of his having sex with Ben Affleck, even in an obvious parody video, so he kept the whole concept at arm’s length with fruity costuming and mincing mannerisms. Rather than go for David Letterman subversiveness or Simpsons-circa-1997-level brilliance, he went the cheap, pandering, and incredibly obvious Saturday Night Live route.

It wasn’t homophobic exactly, just very, very lame.

Next page! A gay animated Disney character?