Ask the AfterElton Flying Monkey! (June 10, 2008)

Q: The Cher Las Vegas show. Should I go? Bryan, Phoenix, AZ

A: On May 6th, Cher at the Colosseum opened Caesar’s Palace, where she’s in a rotating schedule with Bette Midler and Elton John on the stage where Celine Dion famously played for five years (just as famously keeping the humidity at 30% to protect her “instrument”).

Reviews for the Cher gig have been good, and every show so far in the 4218-seat theater has sold out. AfterElton.com correspondent Lori Grant saw the show last week and says, “It’s incredible. Seeing the show is like seeing history. I saw every generation at the concert, and they were all singing her songs. And I’d forgotten how much of Cher is her costumes, how famous they are, and how they all bring back different eras.” Sure enough, Cher wears 17 Bob Mackie-designed outfits for a set of about 20 songs.

“She looks incredible,” Lori goes on, who says the show, which includes 14 dancers and 4 acrobats, is even more impressive than the Celine Dion one. “With her trademark dry wit, she even talks about her age and totally owns it.”

Still, as good as it sounds, tickets aren’t cheap — they range from $145 to over $1300 for several upcoming shows. Should you go? The Flying Monkey is a notorious tightwad, and the price of concerts, just like Broadway shows, has reached ridiculous proportions. Is any amount of sequins and dry ice worth that? Concert producers are practically begging for an audience backlash.

Still, it’s Cher, and the Monkey admits that even he is tempted.

Q: I’m late on this, I know, but I was shocked to see an advertising campaign this Valentine’s Day where M&M’s were basically advertising the fact that green M&M’s supposedly make you horny. When did this start, and is it the end of civilization as we know it? – Edward, Calgary, AB, Canada

A: The Monkey had the same reaction! Mars, Inc. is selling packages of all-green M&M’s?! What’s next, high school cheerleaders doing the bump-and-grind, and ten year-old girls dressing up like slutty streetwalkers?

Wait. We have that already, don’t we? Too late, civilization has ended.

The truth is, Mars, Inc. started acknowledging the “magical” properties of green M&Ms way back in 1997 (a few years after they successfully sued a woman for selling an all-green M&M-like product called The Green Ones). Apparently, they even have a slogan, “What is it about the green ones?” and a green cartoon M&M character, Ms. Green, with luscious lips and go-go boots. Edward, I guess you and I have just been living in a bubble.

What was new is that this Valentines day they sold packages of only green M&M’s. The Monkey is just thankful his grandmother is dead and he doesn’t have to try and explain this to her.

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