Best. Gay. Week. Ever! Sneak Peek at Winter TV!

WELL, AT LEAST I WON'T GET CALLED PONCY AGAIN. I HOPE....
As you read this week's column, I'll already be attending the Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour down in Pasadena, California. And before I've attended a single panel, I can already pretty much guarantee this is going to be one of the weaker (gay) tours in memory. For starters, CBS hasn't given us a single screener for their two new shows (which sound utterly conventional and appear to be gay free. Shock!) and even ABC which is reliably gay-friendly, doesn't have anything that looks terribly promising. 

Honestly, Starz looks to be the best bet between Spartacus: Gods of the Arena and  Torchwood, but since for some reason, Russell T Davies won't be available for me to interview during the TCA, even that won't take up quite as much as my time. Fortunately, Spartacus creator Steven S. DeKnight is available so I'll be talking to him about Barca, Auctus and what's in store for them.

In preparation for the TCA, I've already watched a slew of pilots and new episodes of returning shows, which of course means my eyeballs are glazing over from watching a lot of not very good stuff as I scope for something gay or bi. One of those I've watched already is NBC's sitcom Perfect Couples starring Kyle Bornheimer which the network describes as:

"...the misadventures of three engaging couples as they struggle to find out what makes the ideal relationship -- and how to maintain it through humorous trial-and-error. The series explores their heroic journey in search of the perfect relationship without destroying each other in the process... zzz...."

Okay, I might have added the "zzzz" part. Naturally, NBC means three straight couples which is a shame because making one of the couples gay would have given the show at least one fresh aspect. As it stands, however, Perfect Couples is perfectly stale.

Here are some other new and returning shows I've checked out.

Franklin & Bash, TNT. Starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer in yet another show about lawyers. Best thing about the first episode is the extended shot of Gosselaar's pretty amazing ass. Frankly, they should just give his butt its own show and forget this hackneyed dramedy.

Falling Skies, TNT. Starring Noah Wyle. Sadly, this stale sci fi invasion tale doesn't even have Gosselaar's ass. Wants to be The Walking Dead, ends up being Haven't We Seen This Before Done Better and With a Bigger Budget? And nothing gay so far.  

Skins, MTV. Just like with the UK version, I hated the first episode then slowly warmed up to it. Maxxie is missed but Tea is great for the lesbians.

Off the Map, ABC. Or as I call it Grey's Anatomy: South America. Could also use Mark-Paul Gosselaar's ass.

Traffic Lights, Fox. See Perfect Couples above although these actors are more appealing and the writing is better. Still, this one is yellow for proceed with caution.

Breaking In, Fox. I don't mind seeing Reaper's Bret Harrison again, but Christian Slater? Really? How many crappy movies and TV shows does he get before he finally gets sent to dinner theater? Oh, and the show is about a security firm that gets business by breaking into the offices of potential clients. Or something.

The Onion News Network, IFC. The three episodes of this spoof of the Fox News Network make it hands the best new show of the season. Not every segment works, but most do and some are flat out brilliant in their satire. And Suzanne Sena who plays news anchor Brooke Alvarez so nails her character I predict hordes of fools will think they are watching a real news show. Here is a clip.

Archer, FX. I love, love, love Archer which is crude, rude and incredibly funny. And making spy Ray Gillette (Adam Reed) a regular character just makes it that much better.

The Cape, NBC. How awful is The Cape? Let's just say if the writers made the lead character gay, set it in Provincetown and had a gay-themed episode every week, I still wouldn't watch. I'd totally make snicks do it and write the recap. I'm betting $100,000 this is the first show canceled in 2011.

I'll have more shows next week!

Next page! My New Year's Resolutions!