Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (February 06, 2009)

Of course, for some people, that football game held no interest whatsoever. We call those people "gay men". Just kidding! I know there are plenty of gay men who love watching football, and were glued to the TV screen watching the Pittsburgh Steelers come from behind to beat the Arizona Cardinals in an admittedly thrilling last two minutes.

But I think it is true that a healthy percentage of gay men would rather do ... anything else ... then watch the big game. To prove my unscientific theory, I polled ten of my gay male friends to find out what they were doing Superbowl night, and the results may surprise you (but probably not).

The spooky hotness that is Steve Gonsalves

Two of the ten were watching the Ghost Facers Hunters marathon on the SCI-FI channel. I love the show, which follows two Roto-Rooter guys as they investigate paranormal phenomena in between snaking out drains. My favorite member of their team is Steve, who's hot as hell and grows more bearish every season. Unfortunately, every time I watch the show, the same conversation seems to occur concerning Steve:

Team Member: Did you feel that? It felt like an otherworldly presence trying to make itself known on our plane!
Steve: Um ... actually, that was me.
Team Member: What do you mean?
Steve: ... I cut one.

I'm preparing this for my surprise brunch for Snicks!

Another two of the ten were watching some other kind of marathon on Food Network, but truth be told, there are only two shows I watch on that channel. First is The Barefoot Contessa, because I absolutely adore the goddess Ina Garten (pictured below). If just once in my life I could be invited to one of her "get-togethers", I could die a happy man. I've seen quite a few gay guests on her show, and in one of her books, she made it clear how inclusive her heart is:

"We all know that families now aren't necessarily like Ozzie and Harriet (it turns out Ozzie and Harriet's family wasn't all Ozzie and Harriet) ... family has a traditional context, but today it's not as simple as two parents with 2.3 kids ... it's about relationships ... it's about people who are bound together by love and a sense of being responsible for one another... it's spouses with no children, like Jeffrey and me ... it's a group of women who meet to cook dinner together once a month ... it's a one-parent family with adopted children ... it's two men who've made a life together ... at the end of the day, all we have is love ... getting love, but even more, feeling love"

And she uses an overabundance of ellipses ... which makes me feel even closer to her!

Above you can see the greatest culinary accomplishment of Sandra Lee, the Sarah Palin of the Food network, and the other reason why I watch. Quite frankly, she's a hot mess who should not be allowed anywhere near food, and watching her destroy confection after confection brings me a perverse kind of thrill. In this clip, she's making a Kwanzaa cake that somehow involves huge table candles, canned pie filling, pumpkin seeds, and "acorns" (which are really just Corn Nuts). It takes a special kind of bat-sh*t insanity to put Corn Nuts on a cake.

Next page! Turned on by Federer's tears!