Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (March 20, 2009)

Initiating mind-control counter-attack beam and/or FAX transmission.... processing...processing. Come on already! Damned 21st century technology. Almost here and...

APOLOGIES, LOOKS LIKE IT WAS A FAX AFTER ALL
You weren't actually supposed to see my to-do list. Oh well, no harm, no foul. Just make sure you take that very special, um, vitamin supplement that I’ll be sending each of you later today.

Anyway, looks like this Steven Frank person isn’t quite ready to resume writing duties (Note to Self: take wristband stun mechanism off “Catatonic” setting). So I’ll keep up with this column business until he’s, ah, less indisposed.

What’s next? Oh, right. The weekly assessment of 21^st century viewing entertainment device programming or TV as you call it. I’m pretty sure Ianto TiVOs a bunch of these shows you 21^st gays are so into, so I can give a look-see and offer my views.

IMHO – This Week in 21^st Century Television By Captain Jack Harkness

Battlestar Galactica: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, wait. This isn’t actually supposed to be a sitcom? You mean they’re actually serious with all this “let’s sit around and talk philosophy while human existence as we know it crumbles” nonsense? Not to mention those obvious cybermen ripoffs they let run rampant without doing the common-sense thing of blasting them to spare parts? Naaaah. It’s got to be a joke.

The Real Housewives of New York: I think it’s admirable that you’ve decided to give what are clearly alien species their own television series. But there’s something familiar about these five … My God! They’re actually the Shegons of Hagatha, returned after their infamous reign of terror in the Cosmetic Surgery Quadrant. They’ll crush you with the terrible sounds of their hellish honking! Just a sec …. FTHP … FTHP ………FTHP FTHP FTHP. No more worries. The threats have been neutralized.

Dollhouse: Note to self: Retcon + Imprinting = a better way to get Gwen to do what I need her to do without having to resort to more flirting. Shudder.

Next page! Captain Jack's take on Star Trek. Plus, Carole Barrowman's take on Captain Jack!