Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (July 25, 2008)

AE: I remember the figure skater one made me laugh out loud. How does your writing process work? Do these bon mots just pop into your head as you write? Do you struggle in vain while downing straight scotch at 10 A.M.? Somewhere between the two?
MA: Funny stuff does seemingly appear out of nowhere while I’m typing, but I also labor over jokes. Though not while downing scotch at 10 A.M. Vodka, sure, but never scotch.

AE: What's your actual process? Do you write the draft with "placeholder" jokes (like I often do), and then return to fill them in later after brainstorming a bit? Do you "focus group test" them, perhaps with your partner, Floyd?
M: My early drafts are full of TBDs and CDBs — “to be determined” and “could do better.” Which I suppose are better than STDs.

I test market my lines whenever I can — with other writers (including my in-house editor, Floyd), at readings and even “casually” dropping them into cocktail conversations to see how they land. Incidentally, the Algonquin Round Table writers did this kind of thing all the time, then took credit for being effortlessly brilliant.

AE: Who knew? Ever write a joke that no one else thinks is funny, but you’re convinced it is anyway? Were you proven right or wrong?
MA: More often, I’m surprised the other way. I’ve had readers come up to me and tell me a passage made them laugh so hard they almost wet themselves and I’ll think, “Thanks, but that was the serious part.”

AE: Are you funny in real life? There is no wrong answer here — Woody Allen is supposedly dead serious.
MA: I’ve often found that people who are funny “offstage” tend to leave it in the dressing room, metaphorically speaking. I’m actually one of those terribly earnest people who likes to talk about feelings and ideas. And sex.

AE: When someone is bitchy to you, do you have the perfect rejoinder ready to go, or does it hit you 12 hours later, as with the rest of us?
MA: Please. I can barely utter a complete thought because I’m always editing in my mind as I speak.

AE: Do you ever steal material from your friends and partner? "Wait, that's great, I need to write that down!"
M: Only if they aren’t writers. I mean, there’s honor among thieves.

AE: Final thoughts?
MA: I’ll leave the final word on comedy to Mel Brooks, who said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
I asked Michael how he knows what to put in this section of the column, and he said, “Oh, most of the stuff I just know.”

Uh, thanks a lot, Michael, that’s really helpful. Suddenly, I’m not missing you that much at all. (It’s not true. I still miss you!)

But here’s what I do know. Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild, the sequel to Another Gay Movie, premieres on Saturday at the Palm Desert Gay & Lesbian Film Festival before moving onto a wider release in August.

Also opening in a limited New York and Los Angeles release before expanding to a wider release in August is No Regret, a 2006 film that purports to be among the first of its kind from Korea. Unfortunately, it seems to be yet another gay film where the main character ends up at a hustler. Oh, joy. Here is the trailer.

Opening in theaters on Friday is X Files: I Want to Believe. I liked this show and the first movie a lot, but wasn’t it, like, fifteen years ago? Does anyone remember what the hell it was all about? Something about a guy and a girl, and there was a lot of sexual tension, but then they had sex and it got boring. Or was that Moonlighting?

Also opening on Friday is American Teen, a documentary about actual teenagers. Filmmakers followed fifteen teenagers through the highs and lows of their life, then chose the five most interesting for the film. None of them are gay, nor do they have any interaction with openly gay kids which, contrary to what you see on Degrassi: The Next Generation, is a pretty normal state of affairs in many American high schools.

Finally, we have Step Brothers, which I don’t think is gay, but I’m really looking forward to because, after Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, You Don’t Mess with Zohan, Drillbit Taylor, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, it will hopefully prove once and for all that I’ve been right about Judd Apatow all along – that he’s a sloppy, self-indulgent filmmaker, and that a few mildly amusing one-liners do not a “comedy revolutionary” make.

Not much out on DVD this week and what there is isn't exactly gay-friendly. Up first is Neil Patrick Harris' Harold & Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay. I didn't see it, but recollect Michael coming from a screening and ranting about more gay panic from Hollywood.

Speaking of gay panic, I've no idea why anyone would want to see Ryan O'Neal's very homophobic 1982 "comedy" Partners in wide screen, but a wide-screen version is available on Tuesday. I guess homophobia is even funnier when it's bigger and brighter.

Next page! Sexy gay detective night alert!