Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (July 27, 2007)

WHEN IS A GAY PIRATE NOT A GAY PIRATE?
When the studio won't confirm that he's a gay pirate even though other places are reporting that he is. Such is the curious situation surrounding Robert De Niro's Captain Shakespeare character in the upcoming fantasy comedy Stardust, based on the wonderful book by Neil Gaiman.

We noticed that something interesting was up with Stardust when Entertainment Weekly made an offhand reference to "cross-dressing gay pirates" in their summer preview blurb about the film. Hmm. Soon after, GLAAD added the film and character to their list of gay-related films, calling the character "a gay pirate."

I found this interesting for two reasons. First, I have read (and enjoyed) the book, and there is certainly no gay pirate in there. In fact, there's only one pirate, he's in the book for about five pages, and his name isn't Captain Shakespeare. How could Robert De Niro, cross-dressing AND gayness be shoehorned into a cameo and still earn the actor a spot on the poster?

So I contacted Paramount to find out what's going on, and they seemed leery to help. I asked simply, "is this character gay?" and in return I got their generic press notes (if you've ever read press notes, you know they're full of a lot of nothing -- the only useful piece of information that sometimes appears is the running time, so you at least know when you'll be out of the screening room).

I wrote back:

"Hi, [redacted] -- thanks for getting back to me. These notes don't answer my question, though -- GLAAD and EW are both reporting that Shakespeare is gay, and I'm looking for confirmation. Can you confirm? As we specifically cover gay visibility in entertainment, it's an essential point for our coverage."

The response I received this time: "He's a cross dressing pirate."

Okay -- that's as helpful as a saddle on a cow. I asked again (three times, now):

"Interesting! But he's not gay? He's a straight cross-dresser?"

(crickets)

A few days later I wrote again, asking the same question for the fourth time:

"Hi again, [redacted]. Just following up -- am I going to be able to get a clear answer on this? Again, I wouldn't press if it weren't critical to our coverage. Thanks again."

(a chorus of crickets)

Very, very odd. If the character's gay, what's the harm in saying it, especially when it's been reported already by mega-pub EW (really, li'l ole me isn't going to be adding much to that reach)? Perhaps they're concerned with how the character is portrayed?

Well, early reviews of the film have begun to trickle out, and it's not looking good for our gay pirate. This blog review was downright mortified by the character, calling him "a degrading, mincing stereotype that's completely beneath Neil Gaiman, [director] Matthew Vaughn, Robert De Niro and most of all the American and British moviegoing public. I actually feel like I am a worse person for having seen De Niro in this film."

Um, ouch. I mean really -- beneath the American and British moviegoing public? We Americans put Adam Sandler at #1 last week, and the Brits have kept the Carry On series alive for like 100 years. That's not pretty.

Anyway, I said earlier that I found this interesting for two reasons, and that was just one. The second is, what is so gay about pirates in the first place? Jack Sparrow's gay leanings (which were entirely brought to the table by Johnny Depp via his hilarious, left-field characterization, from what I can tell) were refreshing because they were completely unexpected. Now we have a knockoff pirate who apparently goes full-on gay, apparently to much lesser results.

Since when did pirating become a gay vocation? Does this all go back to Captain Hook's unhealthy fixation with Peter Pan?