Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (August 1, 2008)

OH, WAIT! THE SCI FI CHANNEL DOES HAVE A GAY CLICHE CHARACTER! HE JUST BLOWS
For those who followed my posts from the TCA, you're well aware of my ongoing frustrations with the SCI FI Channel's lack of gay characters (although you don't yet know the half of it). Last week brought the return of the network's drama Eureka which features Vincent (Chris Gauthier) who runs the local restaurant Cafe Diem. Basically, he's Joe the bartender from Grey's Anatomy but with bushy sideburns and no partner.

The third season premiere last week was stupefyingly dull as it was built around a rather trifling runaway drone named Martha threatening to destory Eureka. Vincent was in the episode, but while Sheriff Carter (Colin Ferguson) helped save the day, Vincent fetched champagne for straight couples, made the perfect latte, and whipped up buffets. Nothing stereotypical there.

Colin Ferguson, Vincent Gauthier, Jordan Hinson

While Sheriff Carter bravely faced down danger, Vincent said things like "You're late, Little Miss" to his waitress and "I want to whip up somethng special" while clutching his hands together like a 70-year-old spinster all excited because she knitted kitty a new sweater. Look out, Captain Jack! There is a new sci fi hero in town!

THE HOMOPHOBIA IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
It's not as if there is ever a shortage of homophobia rattling around out there in the big wide world, but this week seemed to be especially abundant ranging from the mild and silly to the outright dangerous.

Up first, some folks got their Nikes in a twist (knickers, Nikes, get it? Oh, never mind!) over a series of ads the shoe company ran which some deemed homophobic. Like this one for instance:

Quite a debate raged over on TheGayRecluse as to whether or not the ad campaign was homophobic. Other captions in the campaign included "Your mama won’t let you come home after this. What would she tell the neighbors?”

Defenders of the ad claim that, of course, no one playing basketball wants another guys sweaty, smelly crotch jammed into their face and that trying to humiliate your opponent during a game is just part of the competition. I could buy the "That Ain't Right" caption as being innocuous, but your mother not letting you come home because you came in physical contact with another guy? Hmm, first off, I just don't see too many guys discussing their basketball games with their mothers, or their mothers caring that much. But what would a mother care about? Their son being gay.

Though I don't think the ad calls for a boycott, I'd say Nike did the right thing in pulling it. And on a different note, might I say the ad is lousy graphically. That text is difficult to read and makes it hard to see what is going on. Frankly, it gives me a headache.

Speaking ads gone bad, Snickers blew it again with their ad featuring Mr. T harrassing a speedwalker who Mr. T deems effeminate and lacking "nuts". The HRC complained, and the company pulled the ad.

Mr. T shooting Snickers bars at effeminate man. Hilarious!

You'd think after the whole Super Bowl Snickers fiasco the company would just steer clear of anything that even remotely smacked of homophobia.

Up next we have presidential candidate John McCain doing the "Gay Adoption Two-Step". Too bad for McCain he's such a lousy dancer and ends up tripping over his own two feet. Here he is "answering" George Stephanpolous' question concerning McCain's flip-flop on the issue of gay adoption.

This is the "Straight Talk"candidate? Bwa-ha-ha! What a weenie! I'd say the Obamas can start measuring the White House for new drapes any day now. I'd also say we'd better steal ourselves for a lot of gay-baiting from the McCain campaign. Oh, wait -- it's already started. As Jonathan Chait writes, McCain's folks are trying to paint Obama as hysterical, effete, intellectual, and unmanly. I suppose next we'll see a photo of Obama playing basketball with his face buried in another player's crotch.

This week we also learned about the gay villains in the new movie The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Brent reviewed the movie, but as with the Nike ad, not everyone agreed on whether homophobia was involved or just how much was there. While I don't think it rises to the level of Cruising, I'd say it was pretty blatant and that Chris Carter has some explaining to do.

Finally, Orson Scott Card generated a whole lot of heat over his over-the-top anti-gay ravings that gay marriage is the end of democracy. Seriously, Orson? A huge chunk of Canadian ice just broke off, Greenland is melting, polar bears are disappearing and you're spending your time spewing bile like this? Okay, but I hope you don't think we're done talking about what a dangerous, homophobic bigot you are or asking Marvel Comics and Tor Books about doing business with you.

Next page! Two weeks without Hollyoaks, Forbidden Love or As the World Turns! Which did I miss most?