Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (January 11, 2008)

PLEASE JUST DON'T GIVE IS THE 300 TREATMENT
Via Queerty.com, I came across the news that the British Museum is going to do an exhibit based on the Roman Emperor Hadrian and that — gasp! — it's going to include the fact that Hadrian was a big ol' mo. Or whatever the term was back in 117 A.D.

Said museum curator Thorsten Opper, "Hadrian was gay, and we can say it."

Upon hearing the news, both presidential candidate Mike Huckabee and "actor" Stephen Baldwin called up Howard Stern to complain about British tax dollars being spent cramming homosexuality down the throats of Britain's innocent children. When reminded that how British tax dollars are spent is the business of the British, Baldwin pointed out that nowhere does the Bible mention museums and Huckabee promised that as soon as he takes office he would deploy troops to sack the British Museum.

Me, bitter? What makes you ask?

Anyway, I did a little research and Hadrian was the third of the five "good" emperors (and that would make Bush the...bad, Michael! Bad!) and ruled from 117 to 138 A.D. The big love of his life was one Antinous, a Greek youth much younger than Hadrian. Sadly, Antinous drowned in the Nile river while still quite young leaving Hadrian heartbroken.

This isn't the first time I've mentioned Hadrian. In fact, his life is being turned into a film directed by John Boorman based on the novel by Marguerite Yourcenar. I probably shouldn't be nervous about how Hadrian will be portrayed, especially since the film, supposedly in pre-production, lists Antonio Banderas in talks to play the Emperor himself. However, the last historical epic Hollywood handed to us — 300 —took the Persian God/King Xerxes and transformed him from this to this.

That being the case, if it were 300 director Zack Snyder in charge I might expect Hadrian to go from this to this:

Because you know those no matter what those ancient sculptures show, everyone knows those Greek and Roman boy-lovers were just a bunch of queens. However, with Boorman at the helm I don't think we have to worry too much about that happening this time, right?