Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (October 31, 2008)

Happy Halloween!

This is, of course, the season of scary monsters — those terrifying creatures that lurch and slither their way across movie and TV screens.

What, you think I’m talking about monsters like the Wolfman and the Creature from the Black Lagoon?

Nah! I mean TV and movie mothers like Scotty’s gloriously passive-aggressive monster of a mom on last Sunday’s episode of Brothers & Sisters!

Scotty's Mother - more terrifying than the Creature from the Black Lagoon

It might be a stereotype, but I think there’s some truth to the notion that we gay people know a little something about mothers.

So who are the most monstrous movie and TV mothers of all time? Let’s find out, shall we?

Mother: Patty LuPone in Ugly Betty

Why a Monster: She denies the fact that her son Marc is gay. Plus, she has a hideous perm.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: The Bride of Frankenstein, although the Bride's perm is better.

Mother: Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary People

Why a Monster: She is unable to show her troubled son physical affection. And there’s some evidence to suggest she eats babies.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: The Blob, except that if the Blob touches you, you die, and if you touch Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary People, she dies.

Mother: Shelley Winters in A Patch of Blue.

Why a Monster: She won’t let her blind daughter date a black man (Winters won an Oscar for this makes-Faye-Dunaway-in- Mommie-Dearest-look-like- Florence-Nightingale performance).

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: Godzilla, except Godzilla’s piercing shriek is a lot less shrill.

Mother: Bibi Besch in Doing Time on Maple Drive

Why a Monster: She’s so unable to accept her gay son that she drives him to attempt suicide. In her defense, however, she’s had to deal with great tragedy in her life — namely, Jim Carrey as her other son.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: The Phantom of the Opera. Which is ironic because it’s probably her love of opera that made her son gay in the first place.

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