Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (October 31, 2008)

Mother: Mrs. Bates in Psycho.

Why a Monster: Um, she kills people.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: Well, um, let’s just say she kinda resembles her son Norman, okay? Look, if you haven’t seen the movie, see it, and then we can talk.

Mother: The Alien Queen in Aliens.

Why a Monster: She implants her embryos in the torsos of unwilling human victims, only to have them torn apart by the resulting spawn.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: Ann Coulter

Mother: Angela Lansbury in The Manchurian Candidate.

Why a Monster: She’s a heartless, scheming villain willing to let her own son to die to allow the communists to overthrow the U.S. government.

Actual Monster She Most Resembles: Angela Lansbury in Murder, She Wrote.

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE GAY PORN BORING?
I’m not actually admitting I’ve ever actually seen gay porn, but if I had, I might have some questions about how it’s made and what it’s like for the actors involved. And I might be curious enough to tune into here! TV’s new documentary series, Everything You Wanted to Know About Gay Porn Stars (But Were Afraid to Ask).

If I did, I’d be really disappointed.

Jason Ridge, one of 16 adult film stars interviewed in Everything
You Wanted to Know About Gay Porn Stars (But Were Afraid to Ask)

Sixteen porn stars are interviewed over the course of the series with the opening episode looking at how they each chose their “porn” names.

Now there are a lot of things I’d like to ask gay porn stars, but how they got their “porn” names is waaaaay down the list — right above, “What brand of toothpaste do you use?”

There are some interesting moments in the first couple of episodes I previewed, such as when one actor speculates at length on how other porn actors have self-esteem issues…only to eventually admit that he’s the one with the self-esteem issue.

But such moments are few and far between, and they come in spite of the crappy editing and horrible production values (how’d they light this thing — by taking the shades off a couple of lamps?). And while I know porn stars aren’t necessarily known for their, uh, facial features or their ability to be articulate, the show seems to go out of its way to make these guys look and sound as unattractive as possible.

If it weren’t for the provocative, attention-getting title and subject matter, I suspect these videos would be rejected by Youtube.com for not meeting their minimum requirements of professionalism.

But don’t take my word for it. The show premieres on November 7^th, and you’re going to watch it anyway. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Next page! Lucas Grabeel prepares pre-teen fans for his explicitly gay turn in Milk