Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (November 14, 2008)

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
Daniel Craig's Quantum of Solace blasts onto screens nationwide today, but alas, it does so without Craig in his speedo or any gay content. So I'm just going to pretend it does have gay content so there. In my version of QOS, Craig is dispatched to Utah's Wasatch Mountains where M.O.R.M.O.N (Making Our Religion Mandatory Over Nations), a secret enclave of homophobic Mormons (because I know not all Mormons are homophobic — yay, Steve and Barbara Young!), has a top secret bunker buried far under the Rocky Mountains from where they plot to take over the world.

Daniel Craig, Luke Macfarlane

Still reeling from the death of Vesper, Bond arrives in Salt Lake City, where he is met by Brigham Scott Card (Luke Macfarlane), a dashing descendant of Brigham Young himself, who believes Bond is really a representative of Pat Robertson with whom M.O.R.M.O.N wants to join forces. Bond quickly senses that Brigham is actually gay and plots to seduce him in order to get access to M.O.R.M.O.N's secret bunker. The two spies end up making love in a ski chalet, on a ski lift, in a submersible car, on a bullet train, in the space shuttle and, finally, on the moon.

After making love for the sixth time, Bond realizes that Brigham is actually a spy planted by the Human Rights Campaign in order to stop M.O.R.M.O.N. The two men team up and together defeat the evil organization. By the film's end, Bond realizes his heart isn't as broken as he believed and that he is is deeply in love with Brigham. Bond resigns from MI6, Brigham quits the CIA and the two men join the Peace Corps.

That's the movie I saw anyway.

Also opening, though in limited release in the U.S., is the Bollywood film Dostana (Friendship), about two men pretending to be gay in order to get an apartment. Call it I Now Pronounce You Chetana and Lochana or more accurately Three's Company: Mumbai.

If this movie were from Hollywood or Europe, it would be considered offensively retrograde, but as this article from The Los Angeles Times points out, given it is a Bollywood film it's actually quite daring and progressive.

Plus the Indian guys are wa-a-a-ay hotter!

While the subject matter is played for laughs and it is always clear that the faux-mo characters (John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan) are definitely in love with the female character, word is that the director goes out of his way to not poke fun at the gay community. In fact , Karan Johar, the movie's producer told the LA Times, "If we offend even one member of the homosexual community, it will really disturb me."

No doubt some folks will be offended, but in a country where homosexuality is illegal (you know, like Texas until 2003), it's hard to understate the power of two of that country's biggest male stars taking on these roles and the impact they could have on homophobic attitudes. (Though Abraham recently referred to homosexuality as a choice in a weird interview that shows how far India still has to go.)

Plus John Abraham isn't exactly hard to look at!

If you're in the U.S. or Canada, you can see if the movie is showing near you by going here. 

Next page! DVD releases you'll want to kiss! Or not